Friday, December 24, 2010


Jesus will always be
 the reason
for the season...
and the Happyness
the New Year!



Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Lazer beams...Sssinge-ing my heart and soul....... that the gist of it?
.....Yes, i think it's quite right ....
Yes i think these qualify for Lazer beams of some furrosity!
Probly 'cause i can't spell rite naow! huh?
Mee..aowch ??? Owe !
These kitty eyes really burn a whole BIG hole into the very soles of my soulless shoes and heart! oooh..not good.

Funny thing about this picture but i could swear it's exactly what i see when i look into the mirror!

This is a good picture of how i feel about myself this week... this moment in time.
A blog i follow: Tabitha Birds "Through My Eyes" had talked recently about finding our "inner cat"....(i love Tabithas Blog!)
i made a silly comment about my B.B. being Tigger and me being Eeyore as of late... but this photo of our dear sweet MiLd mannered little Angel kitty, our Slippersdoodles .... Really serves as my reflexion at this moment.
i have been This, this week. ALL this week!

my Tigger 'Hub-Bee' has done all he can to retain the bounce in his effervescently springy bouncy self... and this is what he see's when he looks at me...
........our dear little girl here reserves this glare for din-din not forthcoming from the "sharing table" time... Megga beggar this little one!

And what's mY problem??? ...............i think the Grinch may have come early....

i'll share more about my Attitude and need for an adjustment soon... but suffice it to say....
Grinch Happens???

Pray for Tigger  ... he's got a chance at a new job in ministry coming up... & wifeypoo needs to take a nice pill...or something. :[
Perhaps lazer surgery on her heart? a mind transplant? i need to think warm & fuzzy... sweet little kitty... nice soft, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Would SOMEONE please turn down the lights??

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Our Chard garden

Since coming here to the desert i had one major goal in mind... other than recuperation from life's stormy gales:
To Grow a salad garden... YEAH!

One would think things would grow well with the endless sunshine we have here in the desert... and since we are along the Colorado river and there is a large agricultural community along the banks, i sort of hoped growing veggies would be a done deal.

 Too soon i came to understand that this desert sun can be a 'bit' intense for tender seedlings and though we did get a small crop of heat resistant tomato's the Sun soon beat down my hopes for anything more abundant....
....At least at the time.
The supposedly heat tolerant lettuce i grew was scraggly from the get go but we did have some with sandwiches... we made the best of it......The Chard only reached about 1 inch tall but after weathering the heat... IT and a tiny lettuce are still alive after six months and getting some color even! How Funny is this?
But we are elated!
...... kind of like Eeyore when he received the empty 'hunny jar' and popped balloon from his friends on his birthday... Anyone remember that story? i've always appreciated how much those mangled gifts meant to that sad little guy... that's the way i felt about our 1st desert experiment... they may not have reached their full potential but boy what fun it was just playing with the dirt, picking out plants, watering, sitting in the sun and watching something peek out from the soil.

Though the sun my have Charred our hopes earlier in the year.... we didn't give up ...
 No! ...can't do that!
Sweetie B. built us a Better planter... We waited for the weather to cool ...planted a new crop on October 11th... we have had to cover it already as the temps have been low ... but...
The sun has not Charred our Chard this time!

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.~ Maori Proverb

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thank fullness

                                                      "In the beginning was the Word"

i am Thank-full for the Word of God that is given as his love letter to his peoples here on this tiny dust speck out in the space of his Grand Universe. We are but dust and from that dust he creates his work of art ... He is the Potter... we are the clay.
How marvelous is this!
*** Unfathomable!
* Beyond my ability to comprehend.

When i read this Love letter from the Old Testament to the New...all of it together... not separate as some people do... then look at the things that occur daily...
The scientific discoveries.. the sociological issues, Governments, society, issues of health in mind and body, the way the earth has been formed and how it's course has run...
*Where the world sees a mystery, i see a God that knows exactly how he created it...
*Where the knowledge of man sees Evolution...
.........i see the Creation from the beginning pure and untainted, perfect...
To the beginning of it's De-volution with the fall of man when Adam and Eve chose to rely on hearsay and rumour from one disgruntled spirit and made the choice to be consumers of  spiritual, mental, emotional and physical toxicity instead of truth. Death came dressed up as something desirable. It looked good! The "salesman" said it would make us smart, he said we'd benefit in ways unimagined; That we'd be More than we were. We bought in to the lie... and ....

Chaos took over where we were unwilling to stand up against it ....
........ but God, our Father ... still stands before us offering his hand of love and peace when we his toddlers get tired of running off in all different directions yelling "NO!"insisting we can do it all by ourselves and that everything is "MINE!" because we're selfish and don't want to share.

i am Thank-full for the Word of God that shows us the way, Who shows us "The Way, the Truth and the Life."  When we open our hearts & minds to the Word.... when we open our eyes and look into the Truth of the Way He speaks of ... blurriness fades...the toxic fog begins to lift.... and we are invited once again to Breathe in the breath of Life ... to drink from the living waters that flow from the realm our spirits were created to share with the Father of all creation.

So this is my Thanks-giving to The One who made all the things we can imagine to be Thank-full for even those wonders unimaginable..
      "No eye has seen, 
                     nor ear heard,
          no mind has conceived
               what God has prepared for those who love Him"
          but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.  1st Corinthians 2:9-10
                                   Thank You God for the gift of life.
    That we are in Your hands becoming the creation you intended      from the beginning of time.
               Jesus, you are my life preserver.. my heart is full.
                                    Thank You!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thanks beeing

i am SO Thankful we No longer
 live in this kind of weather! THANK YOU GOD for helping us leave this frigid stuff behind... it was just killing me.
Yeah, i know some folks LOVE this stuff and just so you know ... there is a nice little ski resort up there at the top of the Hill.
Pretty to look at...but having been a professional driver, i hated it all the more as those folks who did not know how to drive in it were the Worst hazard out there.
 i am enormously grateful for the experience of being in the Northwest, the privilege of knowing the lovely people that lived there.
Some of them predicted we would return ... & while i do miss them ... i absolutely do NOT miss the weather.
So ...NO, there is little chance that we will move back. We generously leave it's loveliness to those who appreciate skating across parking lots and shoveling sidewalks; Chopping wood and defrosting plumbing.
i did used to love the smell of wood smoke during the cold season... but this was just one more thing that exacerbated my environmental sensitivity.
i'm Thankful to be here.
With my Honey B. and our precious kiddles.
Thankful for bee-ing
in the warmth of the moment.
With the sweetness of friends,
specially new ones!
Thank You Mama-Bug
for bee-ing there when i was having trouble even praying for myself.
Thank you all for praying for me...
for us.
Hub-B. says
"May God Bless You!"

Saturday, October 30, 2010

OH !

       There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity
 under heaven.
   a time to be born and a time to die...
           Ecclessiastes 3: 1-2

How do i say this?
is there an explanation?
i've tried to remain positive and upbeat, find the lighter things to hi-lite despite the draggy parts of life, the pains and all that.
Reality has a way of kicking you in the butt though and yet for the last... oh... since my trip up north to see my family... my Onyx Rose... i have felt severed from reality and could not put my finger on the reason other than the fogg that hangs over much of this fibrofogged, chemically sensitive life.  Feeling disconnected is nothing new really.
a while back i mentioned having been hit with some heavy symptoms i chalked up to the usual stuff with consideration for the extra stress the journey put on us. i used to love travel and still look forward to the day we can do more...

When my husband and i drove truck our first year of marriage we were told it would make or break us.
It  made us so much closer than we ever expected. We learned to be a team... to rely on one another and the darkest moments made the lighter ones all the more brilliant. We put our trust in God as we understand that He is the Hub of our lives. The wheel is only as strong as it's connection to the Hub.
That was 16 years ago... i was 32 & B.B. was 41 years old.
Near the beginning of that crazy year we had one of our worst trials ... our first miscarriage.
We hadn't planned a baby; before i realized i was pregnant i lost it.
i know that sounds stupid. But we were both so focused on the tasks at hand.. what i called
"Elephant taming" ...
Truck driving was an exercises in patience for both of us, learning not only to tolerate each others differing ways of handling a Big Rig but it was a 'trust walk' for both of us... we were the "old dogs" learning new was tough. It was fantastic.
 Long story: short... while i had been with my trainer we had nearly been in an accident and i had been thrown from the sleeper (which had no restraints) to the front of the cab. Just some bumps and bruises, so i thought....she burnt herself with her ever present cigarette. Within a week i was having the miscarriage out in the middle of no-where U.S.A.
My Sister was the first one i told... She had been through one... she understood.

 My Husband was 3000 miles away with his trainer.... No cell phones.. only dispatch to pass messages through.
Talk about disconnected... it was such a strange experience... Our company kept us apart for another week and tried to manipulate us into other arrangements but after what we'd just been through i was not having any of it. They threatened to fire me if i refused their plan that would keep us apart for another month or more. i refused and took the next bus back to the terminal to meet my husband... telling them that if he wasn't there i would be quitting.
i was given a brand new truck (w/13miles on it  =:O) and a load that would take me to a meet up with my Love.
At 32 i had considered myself too old to have a baby... so the whole thing was very strange to me..

A couple of years ago a Dr. told me i was going through peri-menopause... then i was diagnosed with this Fibromyalgia and the Chemical Sensitivity. My thyroid has been off kilter for years so this body of mine isn't exactly a nursery candidate.
i am 48.

we had another miscarriage.

Onyx-Rose reminds me that we now have one more baby awaiting at that "Family Re-Union"... i know we are not the only ones.
God is Good.
No matter what.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

a hunting we will go

i know this is blurry .... but Hey! At least i was outside and have something else to write about....
We planted rainbow chard in a lovely box B.B. built for us and i found Heirloom Beefsteak and Mr.Stripey tomato's for our other planters since we are doing container gardens here in the desert.
As i was watering apparently i disturbed This little dude... some sort of Gecko ... who came wobbling from beneath the rock pile next to our makeshift garden... i'm guessing that i awoke him from sleep as he was still a bit ...i caught him! And fashioned a temporary terrarium for him so i could show him to my Love when he got home from work. Gecko loved the little rock ... why i show this blurred vision... just so you know. My camera is on the blink so that's a big-huge bummer...just as i'm improving it decides to do this... ugh.
   It's been eons since i hunted & caught lizards or any critters from the wild, this was something i loved to do when i was a child i guess part of me is returning to my childhood in a way.. at least this has made me feel young again. YAY! This teeny-tiny creature is So adorable... i immediately went on line to learn all about him, learning what he eats...Buggs!!!  i found some Termites (much to hubby's chagrin)  under an old plank of wood out back and watched Gecko hunt and eat with such enthusiasm. It made me so happy to be able to provide a comfortable environment and meal for our "guest". i learned that people keep these critters as pets, how to tell male from female.. that they need warmed spots and cool areas so they can choose which they prefer at any given moment. They don't drag their tails like lizards do but hold it aloft  & wag it back & forth as a distraction to birds who might want to have a Gecko snack... the tail detaches when grabbed (Yeeowch!) and though it grows back it's not as good as the original tail it was born with. A fat tail means a well fed little buddy who will survive lean days  best.  
Any chance this is true of peoples too???  The weight loss industry would never suggest this.

Here's what he's supposed  to look like.....

& i.....


Thursday, October 7, 2010

hiding in the attic

My mind is holed up within this Turret at the top of this neat old house i photographed many years ago. i had attended a Photog class based on special processing techniques. i could tell you where this is but... that's not the point of this post now is it ? Since losing time i realize i've lost a feeling of purpose, there's much to say, much to do i know, only it all seems to have come to an impasse. It's not that i don't care, i Do! Perhaps too much and that's the confounding part. As i keep remembering things, accomplishments, failures, competencies and ineptitude's the good, bad and the indifferent; it all seems too involved. i want a simpler life...need it like air...but air is not so lovely any more.. everywhere i go is full of aromas i dare not enjoy, can not stay to inhale all these things others take for i once did. i want to be with family and friends... but they all need their lovely aromas around them. The scented candles, essential oil (essential? to whom?) Air fresheners... does anyone really understand the chemistry we spray into the air thinking it "freshens" when it truly is Polluting the air all around them? These chemicals are often not even tested on humans nor animals to see what their short Or long term affects are. As long as people like the scent, No One seems to care what it is doing to our bodies? Least of all the chemical giants that create and promote their products as being "Healthy and Natural."
        Plutonium is "Natural" .... am i willingly going to go find a pile and take a big sniff up my nose? or spray it on my skin, or Bathe in it? How's about a little sprinkle on my corn flakes??............... i think Not!
        It's not just the scents either. Food is rife with chemistry i must avoid like the plague. M.S.G., Nitrates, Sulfur, additives. So many processed foods are loaded with preservatives and "flavor enhancers" these days. Daily i read reports, another study involving the toxicity of things we put into our mouths. Why Do we Need these things? Convenience? safety? Sure...................surely Not!)
    Some beloved hobbies/aspiring careers, are things i can no longer enjoy...  Photography and the chemicals....that wonderful  "Soup" that brings to life the hidden images on a page that have been exposed and encouraged to come out of the darkness into the light baring the touch of the Photographers creative imaginings. i loved the entire process, from loading the film into an old camera...searching out my subject, setting the aperture and all that marvelous wizardry from beginning to end that i can barely remember, much less have an intelligent conversation about. My mind once buzzed with Photographic i barely drone..

 Ah.. Yes! the 'cornball' is still skimming just under the surface of all this groaning and droning... All Iz not lost i realize...

While hiding in the attic i've been peeking out into this Bloggosphere, discovering so much. It's all So much to take in... but i am taking it in and neglecting to come back here to join in the discovery: the creation of things To discover.
There are Peoples and places and environments here...where i can go to and look around and See so many things i thought i'd never see because of these limitations that were strangling me.
i get to join my friend Funky punky  as she roams the streets of L.A. digging for treasures to bring out of the perdition of a throw away mindset. Hoping to nurture her friends and the minds of those willing to look beyond their own prejudices into the face of Community. The fact that we are a World Community.
A young woman living her dream, crossing the United States on Horseback, finding more than she expected on the back roads and  hearts of the people.
New friends 'Across the pond' who have the strength to write for a living and live a life worth writing about. Being fully aware and fully human, sharing at the cost of ones privacy, willingly reaching out to love and encourage those of us who need those gentle and strong words. "Get UP Off Your Bum!"(just paraphrasing;)
There are Homesteaders, Homemakers, a Hermit, Artists, Gardeners, a young lady in the military who rides and shows a Draft horse, an Old Geezer riding a wave of popularity as his followers join in making comments so numerous one can barely hope to find a space.  There are those like me who struggle with the things life can load upon a soul...  mind, hearts and bodies,  Yet show up here to tell of survival.
There's Photographers who share their talents and others who claim not to be Photographers who's pictures share as much joy in the experiment as in the accomplishment.
Tell me ... Is it True that one can be a Photographer now without having to Touch the chemical Soup we once used as paint on canvas? 

This Bee hive is fascinating.

Perhaps it's time to climb back down from the attic...
You can run but you can't hide.


Monday, September 20, 2010


So ..... What Givez anyway?? Since starting this BLOG thing several peoples i told about it.............. Snickered :<....  
What'z that all about???     

  Oh Bother.... for some stupid reason i can Not get This post to cooperate with me either!!!
Ever have one of These Days?? 
One of my favorite songs is by Barlow Girl.... "Never alone"... it speaks volumes of this thing Christians call "The walk"... and sometimes how it feels like we're not fully aware of the presence of Our Creator. We think our lack of feeling, seeing, being in sync. means separation in some way. Separation is a tough bugger to cope with sometimes. i life started at the beginning of a Big-huge separation... and has been a witness to many more such severances of relationship. Permanence is something of little strength within the fabric of human experience.
Not so with "The Word"...John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Trying to engage my family's interest in this 'Blogosphere' has been like trying to get a child to try a new food ... you know they'll love it once they sneak one more bite ... but getting them to the table is a big honking deal!
Today i tried to comment on another Bloggers site but could not get the code word or my password to work So my "special insight" never made it to them... so ... i guess i'm having a time of it anyway.
Since getting back to our dry and weary land .... this lovely desert... i have had a horrid infection raging through my body... brought on by exposures to so many things... there was just no avoiding them without bundling up in a Space suit.... this old "Earthsuit" is just so threadbare.
i have these days, weeks, months, etc.... where my mortality is in question.... as these health things take forever sometimes to resolve, my mind can't help but think how short and fragile life really is. i want to reach out to everybody and no one at the same time. i have so much to say, but nothing makes it out... of my mind or heart.

sometimes it's best that way.

i know i am not alone...
i don't really mind being alone.
sometimes it's best that way.
My husband comes home from work or church, being around peoples... and though he makes minimal physical contact with them in consideration of my sensitivities to all the lovely scents that stick like wet glue; he ends up smelling like whatever it is that was floating around the room... the little 'pig-pen' clouds of fumessence the human bee-hive lives within... All those magnificent perfumes & essential oils i once loved as a Bee loves spring blossoms.
So... in a round about way... since people literally make me sick.... and really aren't able to do much about all the modern conveniences they take for granted everyday....
i've migrated here.... to this Blogos-hive...
i hope you feel free to comment here... just say hello... i'll try to bee-have, i haven't stung anyone recently...that i know of. 
& Grace....i know i owe you a letter.... it's still buzzing around in my heart & mind.
Do people giggle at YOU when you tell them you Blog?
Bee well

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

But Wait ... There's More!

Since returning from our trip down the Rabbit hole my body has been in rebellion Big Time... the Gamut has run me over. (What's a gamut anyway? i  know, i know ... it's just me being Me-low-dramatic... don't you just love Words and language? ) i'm sittin here trying to remain seated at our old desk while having to get up and move around. My lower back muscles are in spaz mode so standing and walking feels better, takes my mind off the constant reminders. Yeeks!

Then there's poor Abby doo da looking confused at me..
"Are we gonna have a sit down & relax or are we gonna take Walkies? ? Schee 'cause either way i'm gonna be bringin' this ol chewie stogey thingy... Schee ." (in her best Bogart voice)
So.. Where was i ....were we??
 Somewhere up in Northern California.... Near the Oregon border... What the locals call The " State of Jefferson".

Yes, we were up there... getting fumigated... if memory serves me right.. Uh-huh. Is there a saying about timing? Getting it right or It getting the better of you ? Well anyway, our timing for this trip Stunk! It really Smelled! Truly... everything around us was just being hosed down and bug bombed and smoked out.... We found out the next morning the Apartment where my mother lives was being "treated" for insects. The X-terminator would be spraying the entire exterior of the building. We had tripped into Fumigation central from the Central Valley of California all the way up to the tippy top of the state, there was not a safe place for Iznaabugg to go. i felt like a bugg in a can of raid.  >:{  ... i did !

"But Wait...There's More"... not all was lost. The whole reason for this wild ride... this backwards flight of Mr. & Mrs. Bee; was to make connections.... & Connections we made. Just as the Bee goes in search of sweet flowers and when she finds them does a little Honey Bee jig of joy sharing her discovery with her Hive; we found that Sweet Nectar of Connectedness and did little dances of joy. We had fellowship, huggs and kisses, with Onyx who stayed a night with us in our motel, & we met her funny kitty Oreo...who is quite the character. There was a wonderful re-union dinner with my Sisters and our Nieces & Nephew who are awesome young adults now..So mature yet winsome and lighthearted... it was like stepping into the land of the Elven kings in The Lord of the Rings, so surreal and otherworldly to my mind...they are so stately & regal...yet mischievous, teasing & buzziness. This decrepit old heart found refreshment in the nectar of laughter, smiling faces, banter. Bittersweet indeed...knowing we would soon be flying back down south again...yet grateful and hopeful that these moments, this happy dance, might someday be repeated... perhaps the invitation to visit our honey bee haven might Bee of interest at some point in their Honey bee lives?
 There are some Lovely flowers here in the desert... Did you know?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

What a Buzz !

B.B & i are recuperating this week from our Bumble Bee flight to far Northern California to see Onyx-Rose, my Mother.
   It was quite a buzz- literally... my head is still buzzing from the whole experience and i'm trying to put it all into perspective. It went by Way too fast in 'real-time' and in my mind, my heart can't seem to flesh it all out..not yet anyway.
  Most California freeways are set to a 70 mph frenzy that we have not participated in for years so this in itself was mind bending. Leaving in the early a.m. was good since it made the scorching desert miles between us and the main freeway less hazardous despite the insanely paced traffic, But the darkness made it a bit like a trip down the Rabbit hole for me. Vertigo plagues me at the most inopportune times... it's better  to leave the "Dark-thirty" driving to Bill. i do my best to relax & try to enjoy the 'E-ticket' ride til the sun comes up and helps me focus further up the road.
     Anybody out there remember 'E-ticket' rides? i'm showing my age; Aye? Glad to be aging though,  i tell ya.... there've been times i wasn't so sure i'd be doing this. Though this "E.I."  may not be fatal... there are times it seems it will be. This trip up north  and the toxic minefield we encountered was one of those times and an example of why we came to this desert island and are planning to move further out away from the Human Beehive... we just aren't far enough, though it is much better here than any place we've been so far.
   Those who know the road from Needles to the I-5 freeway understand the Tehachapi's mountain pass is a big hurtle before reaching the flat valley stretches... we made it over in record time... Yippee!! or so we thought...the descent into the Valley below soon made it clear to us that i was not going to have the most enjoyable encounter... because the air down there was NOT clear... it was So hazy and acrid i could taste it on my tongue. My eyes, nose and lungs began to burn like a fire had scorched the air around us; it was so bad even B.B. complained! If you've ever had a breeze change direction at a camp fire you know how that smoke can burn ??.... Uh-Huh...  that's how it felt for me driving into that toxic smog bank. If i hadn't had the urgent need to see Onyx and the rest of my family we would have turned around right then, but we had already stretched time out too long between visits, there was no going back.

As the old saying goes... it was all downhill from there... even our hope that there would be clean air up north was erased.

     i follow fire reports for the North California forests because My family lives in The Siskiyou National forest area and i am always aware of the conditions. i used to work for the U.S.F.S.  where i learned a little bit about weather and it's effects on the forest eco-system.... i also  track fire activity and keep family and former co-workers in my prayers when fires occur. Well, there had been lightening strikes all along the Northern forest with fires still smoldering when we arrived, so there we were.

Whats that??  "Out of the frying pan... into the ....?" ... Yup... & breathing it!

   One of my sisters commented how there had been none of the normal breezes to clear the air... and people in the area were having trouble with allergies & such. The break we had desired was denied.  
We checked into a Motel close to family as all of them had upheavals within their homes... one sister was having major re-modeling to her kitchen, the others Husband had just had knee surgery and my mothers apartment would not allow Abby because she's too big and scary . So here's a shameless and unsolicited plug for Motel 6 who welcomed our big girl without even flinching and also did not clean the room with smelly chemicals while we were there... they just vacuumed, changed the linens and gave us fresh towels. What sweet hearts! We brought Abby specifically for Onyx as she is a dog lover above all and this trip was for her as much as us... we joke back and forth about her looking forward to seeing Abby more than B.B. and i... it may be true ;) So anyway we were very Thankful to Motel 6 for making our time on the road so much easier. (and No i am not being compensated in any way, shape or form, they were just very good to us!)
   As we were settling in our room my Sister & Mom drove up having themselves been on the road from a trip to the Dr.s ...A sight for sore eyes. Many kisses and hugs and nonestop talking then my sister left Mom with us at the Motel and we shared some time. She & Abby bonded as only a Grandma and "child" can and we were all happy. 
The next hurtle for me was at Mom's apartment... the building was highly scented with all those things people use in public places...scented air "fresheners", cleaning products, bengay and old spice, all those lovely things people can't live without and i can't live with. Mom's personal apartment had been cleaned beautifully spiffy and of course there were fragrances of her own special choice permeating her environment. i did my best to cope and not breath too deeply... not easy. {*-*}
   Well, i need to take a breather so i'll have to get back to the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say, on the next post... or as my Sweetie B. always says "But wait, there's more!"
   Till then ...  Bee Well and Bee Swell... Blessings from above.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sauna day

Sweet B. was up by 4:a.m., i had trouble dragging my ~uh-huh~ out by 4: 15 a.m.~~ blugh! He had a cup a Joe waiting for me... My sweet-heart ! i Am blessed.
    B.B. went to work down the road... i had laundry to do down the street at the "sweat O matic" ... the temp and humidity was high and there was only a fan blowing inside closed doors ... i was told a sauna would do me good... so... instead of feeling all pity poor me i decided to just enjoy it... and for the most part, Did... until this guy showed up and started grumping about everything... NOthing was the way he wanted , everything was Wrong... and you know what??
 i Still had a Great time! i did what my Hub always does... i razzed~~  "Hey! Welcome to the Sauna! It's a Great Big crazy world and it's stinkin' Hot Yah! but you know what? We're on the Top side of this hill, Not underneath bite'n the roots of daisies!" Yah, i let him gripe some more (what else could i do?) and even agreed with him that "All" in the world is not so well... i know this everyday don't i ~~~ yup~~. Life is quite the ride isn't it. By the time my laundry was folded and i was leaving we were bantering back and forth about how funny things are.. the absurdities of life... and he said "Hey What day is today? " i said

"It's Sauna Day!"

Friday, August 13, 2010

Phone Home

@ 1:30 a.m. B.B. called me sweetly from my dreams to invite me for our planned viewing of the extraterrestrial light show we had been  anticipating.

The Perseid's  were showering in Meteor fashion... this morning, so they say. We got up early to see. Apparently the "girls" are a little shy... one long streak followed by a short dash with a long space in between. But with local P.D. out shinning spotlights in the area looking for a reported perp. i guess i can't blame them for their avoidance tactics.

We eventually went back inside to avoid the blinding lights of our protectors. But not before being fumigated by a couple of concerned citizens who made a visit to our out of town neighbors place. As we were waiting for the sky to illuminate with it's promised light show i noticed voices coming from the carport and called out... "HellOoo!" normally one should mind their own business but i figured since this neighbor has been the victim of thieves recently i should at least determine the I.D. s of these shadowed visitors.  They responded in kind, greeting us with a bit of surprise but understanding of our inquisitive nature. Their cigarette fumes preceded them and we made a little small talk about the expected Meteor show & recent rash of break-ins til B.B & i could stand no more... it was very nice of them to be concerned, they said the same of us and went on their way smoke trailing merrily behind them & stopping to linger over the porch we stood on. Aarggh! i respect peoples right to smoke and do unto themselves as they see fit ...but i've never understood why it is that i must be forced to "smoke" along with them... against my will. i mean i've never popped my Bubble-gum * *   in any ones hair or face and i don't leave it on the ground for others to step on ... though i know some do.

 Are there No such things as smokeless cigarettes? i'd really love to exercise my right to breath fresh air... but then maybe there is no such thing?

 i learned early on that enclosed spaces are full of particulate matter i can Not deal with ... so i've had to limit my visits to places i formerly enjoyed... such as Church...The Bee hive i once loved despite it's sometimes toxic personalities. For me learning to not just tolerate but actually Love unlovables gave me a feeling of accomplishment and peace about my place in the narrow scheme of things...since i was not trained in ministry as my Husband is.

When i began having to retreat from the overwhelming Chemistry's present there it was a blow to my sense of self. Then some of the toxic peoples began criticising me for avoiding contact with this environment Claiming i was running away and not fulfilling my responsibilities as a Pastors Wife; it sent my soul reeling... as that was the last thing on my wish list. Above all i wanted to come along side my Husband, be the helpmate he needed and deserved in His life's passion to see lives changed, souls light up with the Light of our loving God who put the breath of life within and promises His spirit, the breath of Eternity.

i spent too much time struggling to prove these Toxic people wrong... willing myself to stay within the boundaries they expected of me... running from my post as child watcher to my place in the Praise team then back to my charges who had trouble sitting still... without someone to guide them. The "Toxic's" often sat across the way setting the most awful example to the little ones on how to behave in the company of many. My little ones would often ask why those "Grumpy People" could talk during church but they had to be quiet?  It was quite a conundrum as these same people would loudly "Hisssshhhh!! " when a child spoke out-loud, yet talk loudly amongst themselves throughout the entire service (hearing aid anyone??) i told these sweet children that the "G.P.s" had never been taught manners and that we should;"Pray for them just like we pray for others who don't know any better. What better place for the grumpies in life to learn... than Church... where we,(the children and i) could do our best to be good examples?"  

It's kind of like people who blow smoke in your hair or industries that emit toxic chemicals into the atmosphere. Apparently no one ever taught them about the effects of their chosen actions & they "know not what they do"... There are allot of things people do that are toxic and unhealthy.. i myself have been dealing with some habits i've learned are not conducive to the best health, physically, mentally, spiritually. i'm learning  manners that i hope will create safety & promote wellness around me, to the best of my abilities and limited knowledge. i pray for wisdom in my choices and patience to stay the course, not get discouraged when the path is rough.

It will be rough... life's path is full of obsticles and changes in terrain... am i an example to anyone who needs to learn how to live differently? i don't know, but i Do know places where examples can often be found... for how to behave (and to miss-behave unfortunately). The building that consists of the Church is a good place to start for those who need and can tolerate all kinds of folks and atmospheres...  the people who Are the actual Church the "body" .. can be a great help... in encouragement and prayer to support our efforts to De-detoxify our lives. There are healthy Beez out there... and i've been told there are healthy Hives...  but like the Perseid "girls" B.B. & i witnessed  i am still a bit shy of being put on display. If i show up i may streak or dash right by without much fanfare, intent on getting from point A to some other point i've~~~ lost track of  along the way ~~~~a breathing space. Yes, a place to catch my breath.

The point for me bee-ing ~~~ the best place i have found to learn and grow in my walk as i detoxify my life has been the "Word"  ...the one place that shines it's spotlight on the places the 'hoodlums' in my mind & heart try to hide. i pray for wisdom yes, but mostly i pray for connection to the One who calls me... calls us all  to "Come Home" ... we are Not of this earth .. we are just visitors in our "Earth suits"..... searching for the place we belong.   ... all we have to do is ............

Phone Home!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

good medicine

When we came to the desert we decided a Temporary dwelling would do til we find the ideal spot to set down roots. Our tiny "Vacation Cabin" (sardine can) is a funny little old trailer home in need of a Big-huge face lift, Starting with the outrageously green kitchen cabinets! We would have painted them out sooner, but i just couldn't part with the funniness of these things... every morning i love when the sun rises and highlights how crazy my kitchen is ... it Just makes me Laugh! So B.B. found this sign for me to add to the silliness. The best part for me is when we describe our lovely color scheme to friends & then see their expressions once they get a gander at them in person, HAHAHAHAA!
So fun. 
This week i removed all the doors in order to paint them outside... if i can help it i need to limit those kind of fumes inside the house. At least til Monsoon is over and we can open all the windows & doors so it can Off-gas to the outer world for a time. Then i'll be mostly confined to the back of the place with my clean area closed off from the painted area. My already tiny living space will have gotten tinier.
Hub.B. & i have always enjoyed  remodeling our living spaces to our unique standards.... it is a challenge to do this within the limitations my Sensitivities present. We are designing our next home to be more than just a clean sanctuary, free of pollutants, but are looking to go off-grid, using solar and design to create a desert oasis free from the Hum of traffic and busyness. We'd like it to Fit in to the landscape easier than most stick houses seem to do. 
 For now we are content to play with this little place... creating an oasis in the middle of a trailer court. With the river nearby some folk decorate their homes with a maritime theme... some island style as well... Palm trees grow fairly well here... i have a mini grove growing at the front of our place. i suppose i need to be a tuffy and go out & thin it so they will grow big and tall ... but i like the wildness of  letting them have their own way. Maybe i'm strange but i like the contrast some wildness brings to the mundaness of cookie cutter "trailerhood" living. At least i hid my pink flamingo's in the inside court yard!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

sweatin' with the oldie

    Recently i discovered one of the symptoms of Environmental Injury is the inability to sweat and rid the body of toxins. 
    When we came to the desert two years ago i thought it was a bit odd that i could be out in 100+ degrees and not break a sweat. Never felt uncomfortable in the heat of the day pulling weeds or walking to the mailbox. i was warned not to be out for long in such hot weather, since i wasn't acclimated but it was (and is) so wonderful to be able to get outside and walk down the trails without getting dizzy and feeling like i was drowning from the inside out. My Hubby noticed that i became a bit too rosy cheeked though so i realized i needed to be more cautious, not overdo. 

Since coming here & going  through a series of awakenings,  i've found others like me who are also discovering how to live with these crazy maladies brought on by toxic overload.  i will provide some links in time as i learn more about how this stuff works but for now it's just nice to be alive and know there is hope.

Anyway i learned we need to do these Detox sessions where we eat  cleansing foods ie: fruits,veggies etc. and drink lots of water.  A good fruit & veggie juice fast several times a year makes a body feel brighter, less sluggish. As a vegetarian many Moons ago, juice fasts became a staple of healthy routine and i'm beginning to think perhaps i might be worse off today if i hadn't done something good for those few years.  
   Exercise is a key component in helping the body clarify itself .... working up a sweat, then showering all that toxic waste off your skin. 

       Which leads me to the breakthrough. About two weeks ago, after a couple days on a juice fast, i realized my chronic reflux was improved, i wanted less coffee AND.... when i returned to the house after a walk, i Realized i was Sweating! Now i realize this is an odd thing to be happy about but this is a Big Deal for me. The next morning i was a bit spooked because i had a gnarly rash and felt like i had the flu but was encouraged when Hub-B reminded me that i had read that this might happen as the toxins can now begin to flush out of my poor dilapidated "Earth suit"...( lovely word..."flush"... isn't it?) As long as i keep showering the inside & outside with cool clean water and add only non-toxic goodies back these strange side effects will diminish, somewhat anyway. i don't expect to come out of this with a brand new baby body or some such nonsense... but the improvements are Huge to me... however small they seem to others who don't understand.

So Here's to Detoxifying and Learning to take better care of ourselves in spite of all the lovely additives and toxic waste sites we do our best to avoid.

Here's to 100+degree weather and my own personal dry sauna right outside my door... who needs a pricey Spa?

Here's to Birthdays that make you feel older ... trampolines that make you sweat harder........

........ Kiddie Pools that make you feel Young & cool ........

and Awesome Husbands who make you feel Loved no Matter how Young or Old you happen to feel on a given day.

We're as snugg as two buggs in a .......... bad exercise video=D

Friday, July 23, 2010

Izabuggs life

   So maybe i didn't make myself clear.... Things that have no "known" affect on others make me sick... literally ... scented or unscented.... Man made, or Natural chemicals. As long as something off-gasses & i breath it, or it comes into contact with my skin, in any way shape or form, it can have a nasty affect on me.
 Not Everything, just stuff  one wouldn't expect. 

 Looking back down my 48 year corridor of time, from the very beginning there were many things that caused trouble for me. Not just a one time Toxic exposure but many events that most likely accumulated making life intolerable throughout early childhood... causing a conundrum for the people around me.... My Mother, Family, Teachers, Friends,Counselors, & myself.
i earned the Labels: Spacey, Shy, Reserved, Moody, Oppositional, Non-compliant, Avoidant. Yeah i like that last one; as if a child could not possibly have a valid reason why they might Avoid certain situations.
  As a child i could not understand what was going on in my mind and body. i had felt "weird" and disconnected most of my life Having had surgeries on my ears, tonsils, foot... and experienced the after affects of  the anesthesia: Ether..what do they call that now ...flashbacks? Yeah, i used to get nauseated and dizzy just sitting in my front row desk where the Teacher insisted i stay so i would "Pay Attention! "  (this was before A.D.D. was a Buzz word & Meds were the answer to Everything) i'd gotten caught staring out the window "daydreaming" with the obligatory giggles from classmates adding to my feeling of stupidity. How could they have known? 

   A boy i admired was humiliated when his teasing toss of a ball bounced off my head and i passed out after having the familiar "smell" of Ether swarm over me. He didn't mean to hurt me .. and really didn't, but everybody got scared and thought it was the mortal blow because i went down on the blacktop. It would have all been funny if  i had stayed on my feet and gotten perturbed instead. But the Principal scolded Him while pointing at me on the stupid cot they made me lay on. And i felt worse for Him.

[Disclaimer: Head injuries are not to be taken lightly and i Do appreciate the care the school took to make sure i was o.k. ]

Recently i heard  that Patchouli, a popular 'Essential oil' is a Neurotoxin. i have strong childhood memories of those who wore this potent oil. (it was the 60's People) To be fair i went in search for more info on this subject and while i found No scientific study(yet) willing to call this scented oil out as a Neurotoxin i did find out that Patchouli has long been used as an Insect Repellent. Used by the ancients who travelled the "silk road"  to discourage Moths from laying their eggs in linen and silk cargo. Also there's a type of Termite that is repelled by it.
Naturally this causes me to wonder how safe it actually is for people to be using it as a fragrance?
If the bugs can't stand it.......??

i also read how Patchouli is said to be beneficial in many ways... skin & hair care, mood lifter,
 not to mention ones Love life.
Who could disrespect that lovely idea!
It is added to many products, such as laundry softener, T.P. (yes toilet paper) and Air fresheners...which are anything but. 

Not to offend anyone who Loves this stuff .... but .... even Now when i come across a person wearing this popular fragrance.....i am instantly repelled...

 HA !

It Must be true... i Am a Bugg !

Monday, July 19, 2010

dawg dayz of waat?

Here she is again our... 145# Pound puppy, Abby Norma. She had her first swimming lesson the other day....Today B.B. & i went looking for a Better spot. A more Abby friendly, gently sloped, Beachy spot. She is Such a Good sport.  She's got webbed feet so we thought swimming might come natural... but she does not know what to do but try to hang on to us and Float. We have a harness to hang on to and encourage her to follow us a little closer, but she's a very heavy pup... all skin, big bones and muscle so we also support her from underneath.

Looks like we will be investing in a flotation devise. Not that we're planning on boating with her but just in case she decides to go on a little adventure ahead of us, it's best to keep our Big girl safe.

The problem with the last spot that was recommended to us is that it is a boat launch that was kinda slick going in and once you got to a certain spot it dropped off  a little deeper than "Abbs" is tall ... So, No more just taking other peoples word for what they think is a Good spot for "Fifi" to drown... We found the perfect place...just down river a little. 

Teaching pups to swim is one of my favorite things to do. When they trust you and want to get in the water with you it's like taking them on a "Trust walk' only somehow we've already earned their trust and the whole goal is to kinda help them pace themselves and take it slow.
      This "Trust walk/swim" has benefitted me most, i think. Since losing time and place with this crazy illness; "Environmental Injury"; it seems i've forgotten much of what i know of myself: Things learned, experience gained, competencies once sure of.  Self confidence is absent & there's so much i am unsure of, where my abilities are concerned. Having this trust offered is a heartfelt gift i could not have imagined any sweeter. 

Since we adopted "Abb's" from the Pound when she was 3months old she's been very trusting of us... but she has issues with strangers. Specially if they smell of Alcohol.. She's almost full grown now and has only growled at a couple of people who reeked of booze...and stupidly tried to be too friendly Way too soon, as those who are  inebriated sometimes will do. It's a safe bet she was mistreated by someone who had a drinking habit. Or maybe she's just tuned in to whatever evil that lurks in their unguarded state of mind.
Pets are good at reading people. Our black cat CocoMoco has growled like a dog at people walking by on several occasions...loud enough for them to hear and Really Freak them out! There's one guy who now goes across the street when passing our house, even though CocoMoco is behind a locked screen door! Perhaps the sight of a growling cat and a large Dog sitting in the doorway is a tad intimidating.

i think they're outrageously cute.
(take a look at the 1st post=)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

water bugg

This is a Water Bug day. After feeling so clear yesterday, i woke up to realize i Need to learn how to skate across these ponds that pop up out of the blue. So Much to learn, So little time.

 'we are but a vapor'...James 4:14

Humidity has passed  31 this morning.... in our house because i did not want to hear the air cleaner droning on.... All stinkin' Night! Boi... someones in a mood !
Bubble has Popped all right...and i'm under water lookin for the surface.

It's my own fault for wanting to hear the quiet. i adore quiet... but our world is so incredibly noisy. When we drove Truck we used the air-conditioner  creating "white noise" to drown out traffic, where'd they get that crazy description ? As we learned that in the South, we fondly call it "Waat No-ese" wit a liddle southu'n draawl;)

Usually we can have all the machines off at night as it cools down nicely but with Monsoon comes moisture, Hot, Soggy, clingy nonsense... our electric bill will be Up there in the stratosphere this month. Wish the water would just stay Up there. This only lasts about a month or so... according to the locals... the sog lasted most the year up North.
........ Great if your a Water bugg.

So, today feels as if someone snuck in last night and tied a girdle around my rib cage while i was sleeping. The bones keep spazzing with their symphony of instruments played by toddlers bowing down hard on out of tune string.... Oh, how lovely it is when is subsides a bit. It won't until the Barometer changes again.

Did i pray for patience or something?

Guess i must have but i could've sworn it was for the ability to tolerate People.
Ahhh... Now i know why *some people have been so ornery... i prayed for patience... i've been given an opportunity to Exercise quaint....
( *i'm The ornery one, less patient with myself than others:(
o.k.....O.K. i get it !

Be kareful what you pray for!

Friday, July 16, 2010

shakin' it off

 A decent Nights sleep is important for ones health even if you don't have issues like Fibromyalgia. i emphasize Night for the fact that humans are on a biological clock known as the Circadian Rhythm that makes sleeping at night an actual need for our bodies proper function.

 i once was a night owl... preferred the night shift whenever possible. In fact my Husband and i spent our first year together driving Truck. He drove daytime, i drove nights. They said we'd be divorced before the year was up... little did they know! Who are They anyway?

      When this last health mystery came up i hadn't been sleeping well at night. So many things on my mind, being all wound up over crazy things going on in the community and the church as well as the stress of my job driving shuttle bus. Then there were family issues...but aren't there always family issues? maybe not. Anyway, sleep was elusive, life became a struggle, every day got harder to deal with. 

      i began paying attention to Them this time, those ones who have an answer for Everything and a criticizm for Anything they decide is their business, which it largely isn't. i tried the best i could to listen to Them since my own fuzzy mind was playing tricks on me and my body was freaking me out with this bizarre new thing. But my Dearest One, My Husband, did his best to remind me... that i knew better what was happening to me than Them... those ones he aptly calls "Well Intentioned Dragons": Those ones who mean Well... but end up Dragging you down & tossing you into the Well of despair...&  Well, that's just plain mean when all is said and done! Seriously.

................... Did i lose you there?

    Yeah...that's how i felt. Lost at the bottom of a full of slimy fungus and creaturely apparitions: Toxic people. One of the toughest parts of my recovery was in learning not to listen to Them because, i love people. It was hard for me to see past all the negatives to recognize the faces of the true sweethearts that were nearby waiting to offer their Care, their Love and Encouragement.

       We left Oregon while i was still literally Under the Weather, as the inversion layer was squashing me down as usual. i did not say enough Thank You's and i Love You's to the good folks who helped launch our little old Buzz down the Bumble Bee highway in search of our desert Island.  

       This last week was a break through week for me. After following a Detox program... nutritionally as well as spiritually... it's as if a Bubble Popped in my head, the way it feels when given a big dose of  Oxygen... things that were fuzzy are clearing up... The sun seems brighter somehow...

 (i'm in a desert it's always bright...=)

 but somehow This is different... at last i think i'm getting clear of the muck...


 shakin' it off.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Paradise lost & found

Sweetie B. bought this picture from a Mexican-American Artist many years ago. It is his favorite and depicts his idea of Paradise. Funny, He bought it in the little Town of Paradise, Cal. He often wonders where the Artist went from there. There is No signature... only that of his brush strokes.
The tiny Oregon town we moved from was as close to this as we've been. Our cabin was in the middle of town on a street fronting the railroad but there was a large blue spruce right beside it, not unlike This Cabin, only ours was not of  Log construction.
   My Love gave up So much for me in coming to this place of complete opposition. Maybe not So complete? Instead of majestic Evergreen Spruce,  there are spindly Dr.Seuss Palms. The secluded shores of a serene lake, traded for the banks of a bustling vacation hot spot on the River. People powered Canoe exchanged for Jet engine power speed boats. i don't remember Cactus up north, Not Saguaro's anyway... and have yet to find anything resembling a Morel Mushroom here. Instead of Wood stoves to stay warm...we fire up the B.B.Q. to stay fed. Mmm... Yah, We both like the Bar-B. much better!
One day while negotiating a narrow mountain road in Oregon (My husband driving; i in the Catbird seat beside him & Mother in the back seat with the window open) a gnarly Pine Beatle of Horror Movie credentials...came crawling up my Moms leg ...i saw it first and tried to alert my B. but not in time to prepare him for the equally horrifying blood curdling screem right behind his Ears.
       i thought we were due to wreck at that moment but somehow through the numbness he found the side of the road and quickly evicted the creature from the car. Lucky he had a pair of gloves... the bug did Not want to leave his comfy ride and was chewing chunks out of the leather like the wild tree destroyers they are. "Rrrriiip..*.*.. Ptooeey<<***"
    Not sure if Mom will come to the desert any time soon... But i'll be checking Every Inch of land  before She gets a greeting from This environments Horror flick creature ...the Scorpion! Now i remember why my hair is turning white. Moms was white before that , bless her heart;} i'll talk about B.s Hair later....