Friday, April 29, 2011

forgive me please

Please forgive my indiscretion....on a former post.
Thank you to those who commented and offered prayers...
You are truly Dear and appreciated.

i have much to learn in this world still...
Awakening from this "Coma" has been befuddling to me and i still lose a sense of perspective for where i am in the scheme of things.
This blog is not meant to be an expose' on anyone but on a few things that have been close to my experience
re-emerging into society as it were.

At this point i am wishing to go out into the disappear for a while... but it's unlikely.
 i am again feeling unfit for human fellowship these days as i did when my life began to spiral down the rabbit hole a few years back.
i guess there's always been a large part of my soul that has never fit in with what others take for granted as the norm.
my own humanity has always been a discomfort... the flesh does not fit the spirit. The body is so limiting and cumbersome.. and i guess i'm just tired. it's o.k. really ... i'm used to this. . i accept it...

 i am Thankful to God... for this gift  ... the breath of life, even when it's hard to keep it up.
 i am sad that i can not bring others into communion with our Father... ABBA...
 that my witness for Jesus is so lame...
my words inane and unmoving.
i wish more than anything that my words could express what my heart has come to know and Love in the powerful grace and mercy of  this Creator who made us for His fellowship.  
He's not this pretend, brain caused fantasy but a heart rendering Being of such beauty and winsomeness beyond the imagination of our limited realms.

 my Words cannot communicate sufficiently the truth that is this one:
This Alpha & Omega...
Beginning and the End....
The Way, Truth,  Life.......  Life.
The Word.

 For as long as i can remember, my heart has been torn to shreds over this rift humanity has chosen to feed into... it is in fact what precipitated the illnesses that overcame me... the pain of separation ... seeing it in myself as well as the rest of humanity. Being faced with my own insufficiency, lack of meaning in any sense.
Nothing i have said or done has mattered in the least. 
i wanted to share my love for God with the world... knowing the world has already rejected it's creator in favor of self -creation...self seeking...self destruction.
We are not interested in how we fit into His-story... but how he fits into ours....
we limit Him like a tiny Jack-in-the Box that we control with a wind up mechanism... each time he Pops up to surprise us we quickly shove Him back down in the box, never really taking a look at the gift He holds inside a universe we cannot fathom.
i'm sorry
He's not in the Box .

Thank You for your love and patience. 
Thank you for being there for me. 
For your prayers and encouragement.... it means more than i can say.
Thank You Jesus
for Loving your children even when we're going through the terrible two's.
for 2,000 + years even:(

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
 Luke 18:17

Friday, April 1, 2011

No foolin'!

No April fools joke here in the Desert!

This Thermometer is in the SHADE!!

It IS over 100 degrees today!


i LOVE This place!!

Planted Zucchini yesterday and discovered that our gorgeous sweet Mexican Avocado seeds are sprouting in the pots i planted them in a Month ago! i thought the cooler weather we'd had might have clobbered the poor dears but ....  they're just beginning to peek out of the they have excessive heat to deal with! Yikes!! Such extremes we have here. My camera is not able to get a good picture of the little dears yet ... but it won't be long now.

I hope they keep growing til we find a piece of dirt out in the desert to plant them in, as well as our home. Do you think our home will grow big and healthy ?? 
I do... Oh i DO!

The whole city has been spraying bug & weed killers all over Tarnation here. Our neighbors hire the Pest control and my Hub B. says sales on all those chemicals to kill off critters and their groceries(weeds) has gone through the roof!!

 i worry about our avian friends who rely on bugs and wild weed seeds for sustenance and fortification of their diets. Haven't seen Roadrunner since the spraying started in force. ..but rumor has it that a certain lady who used to feed him raw hamburger wads has moved away, so perhaps He's found another source of goods...

i haven't been able to enjoy the great outdoors as much as i'd like because of the Toxins being sprayed all over ... but i still feel better here than i did in other places & i notice i feel much, much better when we spend a day out in the wilds away from city stuff. So, Some day we'll find just the right spot of dirt in which to plant & invite all the birds, weeds and Buggs that are being fumigated out of the cities.

We planted sunny Yellow Marigolds with the Tomato & Zucchini to help dis-invite some of the more ravenous buggs and invite the Good guys.... like BEE'Z !

 Happy Buzzy days!
Maybe i Am an April Fool??
It's up to 102 now!!
(says the digital gage)

No foolin!!