Friday, April 29, 2011
forgive me please
Please forgive my indiscretion....on a former post.
Thank you to those who commented and offered prayers...
You are truly Dear and appreciated.
i have much to learn in this world still...Awakening from this "Coma" has been befuddling to me and i still lose a sense of perspective for where i am in the scheme of things.
This blog is not meant to be an expose' on anyone but on a few things that have been close to my experience
re-emerging into society as it were.
At this point i am wishing to go out into the desert....to disappear for a while... but it's unlikely.i am again feeling unfit for human fellowship these days as i did when my life began to spiral down the rabbit hole a few years back.
i guess there's always been a large part of my soul that has never fit in with what others take for granted as the norm.my own humanity has always been a discomfort... the flesh does not fit the spirit. The body is so limiting and cumbersome.. and i guess i'm just tired. it's o.k. really ... i'm used to this. . i accept it...
i am Thankful to God... for this gift ... the breath of life, even when it's hard to keep it up.
i am sad that i can not bring others into communion with our Father... ABBA...
that my witness for Jesus is so lame...
my words inane and unmoving.
i wish more than anything that my words could express what my heart has come to know and Love in the powerful grace and mercy of this Creator who made us for His fellowship.
He's not this pretend, brain caused fantasy but a heart rendering Being of such beauty and winsomeness beyond the imagination of our limited realms.
my Words cannot communicate sufficiently the truth that is this one:
This Alpha & Omega...
Beginning and the End....
The Way, Truth, Life....... Life.
For as long as i can remember, my heart has been torn to shreds over this rift humanity has chosen to feed into... it is in fact what precipitated the illnesses that overcame me... the pain of separation ... seeing it in myself as well as the rest of humanity. Being faced with my own insufficiency, lack of meaning in any sense.
Nothing i have said or done has mattered in the least.
i wanted to share my love for God with the world... knowing the world has already rejected it's creator in favor of self -creation...self seeking...self destruction.
We are not interested in how we fit into His-story... but how he fits into ours....
we limit Him like a tiny Jack-in-the Box that we control with a wind up mechanism... each time he Pops up to surprise us we quickly shove Him back down in the box, never really taking a look at the gift He holds inside a universe we cannot fathom.
He's not in the Box .
Thank You for your love and patience.
Thank you for being there for me.
For your prayers and encouragement.... it means more than i can say.
Thank You Jesus
for Loving your children even when we're going through the terrible two's.
for 2,000 + years even:(
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."