Wednesday, August 31, 2011

i'm Beeing followed

Well If i ever lose my....
Abby will clean up after me!
She's a Very Good Helper!
Good Moon-shadow-doggy:))

Ah ha ha ha ha!!!
Smarty pants me...thought: If i "Follow" myself ... i could Some-how be able to reply to my friends  who make Comments here!
No - Such - Duck!!

Here i am, replying to You Christine aka: Mama-bug...
 Cause i want you to know your care Matters.
The inspiration for putting up one of my old pictures of the lovely old house... Came from You!
i Luv, luv, luv, the Old house pictures You have blessed us all with and since i have a small archive of my own from the days i aspired to Bee a Photographer .... i will eventually share some of those shots... if i can figure out how to upload them here.
Right now i have not got the sustained brain power to remember what i read .... when i study
 "How to Do's"
Much less figure out how to upload my mere pittance of photographic effort.
Getting anything onto this Blogger page is in itself a HUGE thing for me.
if only Moon-doggy could help stuff my mind back into my head!))
it's that white rag looking thing she's carrying...(he, he)

Hey...  my 'House Therapy' is coming along .... slow but ....
No danger of hurting myself at This pace.
The danger is for those who attempt to come into this place right now... including Poor Hubbub when he comes home from work... He just never knows what he's gonna walk Into.
But... as long as it's a Big kiss* from me and a paw # pawed from Abby he seems
"None the worse for wear."
(what does That mean anyway?)

God IS faithful my Friend....s.
i know he has us in his hands and that we just need to
~Bee still~
i need to Bee still....and know that He is God.
i just get so Antsy when it seems a door has been opened... and like the crazy red ants i cannot evict from my back yard... it's hard for me to let go of a prospect ....
a Hope
 that this door will be THE one that leads to that place we can settle....
The gypsy life was fine,
for a time...
Letting go of every home we lived in...
It's good to let go...
But i don't know how to
connect anymore.

maybe i never did?

It's not just the moving around either.
Since becoming Hypersensitive to chemicals and learning i have to avoid so many things including people and the toxic clouds that surrounds them/us...
 it's been allot of letting go.
i went to a counselor eons ago .... because i had trouble being around people...
she used to ask me why i held my breath...
i didn't know.
i was 11 years old.
what does a kid know?
Of course at that time they thought it was all in my head...
that the panic attacks and frustration were all due to some psychological disorder.
i guess i should give the 'experts' a little credit,
at least they were close.
it IS in my head....some of it anyway...
when i get exposed to some-thing my body cannot tolerate
breathing, eating or drinking it...
when it wafts into my eyes or onto my skin... and burns like i've been misted with stinging drops of acid...
When my ears start ringing and my throat closes and i have to run away gasping for air, feeling like a rabid dog...
it Does mess with my head.
It took me forever to figure out the fact that i am not only physically affected by toxins but that
 it also affects my head... it Does make me feel like i'm losing my mind.
it's been hard for me to wrap my head around this.
Hard to figure out how to share this with people.
So i find myself retreating further away
not trying to keep connections
despite a deep desire to keep lovely people in my life.
i've let go of people who mean so much to me... because it's So hard to just think for myself, to just be... much less try to get the words out so others will understand.  
So often 
My thoughts and words are convoluted.
 i say things in ways people don't understand
then i end up not being able to go back and explain
because i can't remember what i meant or said in the first place.
i've gotten into arguments with people when i actually agreed with them but my words came out backwards and out of sink (?)

It's good to know that God not only leads,
 but also follows with the offer of Grace and New creation. 
He's ready willing and more than able to help us re-modle our lives.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; The old has gone, the new has come!
2nd Corinthians 5:17

 My goal in life is:
 Not to follow myself around but to follow the one who created this life.
To bee greatful for each day not in spite of the pains but because of them.
To bee Thankful for these oppertunities to reach out and participate in life with people.

Thank You for sticking with me even when there seems to be nothing to stick to!

You're all such sweet Honey Beez

Honey's sticky

Abbys sticky too!

Thats why we tell her to go get
her "wipe-y"



Friday, August 26, 2011

Demolition Derby ....

Now ... as far as i know this house still stands... in the tiny mountain town of Yreka, California..What locals call the State of Jefferson on I-5 just south of the Oregon border.
 It is of course a lovely landmark, the subject of many photo studies and one of my favorite subjects during college photography classes.
It used to be known as the 'Gordon & B'anne Dunlap House'.
Who knows what New and improved name they have decided to hang on it's shingle??
If you're ever in True Northern sure to take a turn down to old town and take a look at this fine old Victorian lady.
This picture was taken the "old fashioned" way... with an Asahi ... 35 mm camera.
i love black and white... enjoyed learning the entire process from camera operation to developing film and pictures.. using different techniques to accomplish interesting effect. My favorite was an Alternative methods class ... for a more Artistic approach.
We literally got our hands into the "Sauce".
You could fill a thimble with what i can remember after taking leave of my mind in the intervening years... so although i know i can pick much of it back up again, at the moment i can't remember how to even spell the process i used on this particular photo. Funny though ... upon perusing modern Photography techniques i see the work we did with hands and goop is easily reproduced in Digital format.
i feel like a Dinosaur.
a happy Dinosaur none the less.
DejaVu... have i mentioned this before?
SO... while This house still stands .... We are in the process of pulling the one we're in apart... in hopes of repairing and replacing what we can instead of calling in the Wrecking ball.
We knew when we moved in that we were in for some major work ... we also suspected this tiny place may be so much more temporary for us. But you know....this flimsy little place got us through a "Micro burst": Arizonan for tiny Tornado. Where other peoples carports and roofing took to flight, even landing in our driveway, God saw fit to test my trust and kept our home from flying apart at the seams...which seem So paper thin to me. But i made it through this trust walk wanting seriously to bolt and run to somewhere else as i listened to the severe weather alerts advising people to leave their Mobile homes and seek shelter in the nearest ditch or low spot. There Are NO lower spots... than this that could be safely used as there also were flash flood alerts for the only low spots here... the Washes.
People die in those washes every year when they ignore warnings not to drive through when water is rushing through... no matter how shallow it seems.
Because Mr. B was at work i knew he was safe and since he had the car all i could do was to hunker down with the "kiddles". And Pray.  
It was my second 'near W.W.O.B.' experience...
(Wicked Witch On Bike )
Thank You Jesus, for getting us through this!
Our temporary home was spared and we've literally 'Weathered' several more severe weather events since coming here.
Will it survive Hurricane iznaabugg?
B.B. has split days off  and until recently we've been traveling out of town for those job prospects and following 'Snow-bird' culture ...= going to Mexico for Dental work.
He's been So tired when he gets home from work because; as with most of the country; we have the heat to deal with. Tho it's just part of  life here in the desert.
 No point complainin', besides... it's been good for me.
So...this past  month i've been RRiiipPping out the carpet that has been here for ....Eons!! and smells like it. Ugh.
B.B. Brought home a killer shop vac with extra long hose so the nasty noisy part stays outside on the porch while i slorp up Tons of desert dirt and unknown particulate matter from the balding floor.
It IS a MESS!!
It's taking me a long time because i get tired just getting the equipment set up to do this ...then of course i'm personally Demolished the next day or so.
So this is happening in Big bits, and in as little pieces as i can cut the carpet into.
Hey! Not complainin' here... just the facts...
Actually i am elated to be able to do this... i would not have been so daft as to consider this in the recent past.
A bit of frustration from having to change our latest itinerary was great fuel for getting the Demolition Derby in motion.
We will be staying in this lovely Desert oasis for now
 as we decided the Ministry Op. was not what it seemed.
Good we found out before we re-arranged our whole lives for it.
Hub-B is always asking God to either open the doors wide or slam them shut.
This Door was Slammed and the wrecking ball was swift... No lingering thoughts of
' Could-a  Would-a'.
HeY Toto ... i think we missed Kansas!!

Thanks for lettin' us BUG you Again.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

How will we Respond?
(sorry i can't get links to work)
i invite my friends and family to Join in Prayer with our Christian family in Texas as they pray for our nation. 
In Daniel 10, Daniel has a vision of a man that frightens him.
Daniel 10:10,11,12
(10)A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees.
(11) He said, "Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you,"
And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
(12)Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel.
Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
i LOVE how God responded to Daniel.
 So Precious, that God would go out of his way like this.
When you read chapter 10, you will see what i mean. Gods messenger went Way out of his way to deliver this response.
Can we, in turn, Go out of our way to respond to Him?
(just a little?)
(Just a whole Lot!)
i also invite you to read the book of Daniel as he is shown the future ... the Revelation of the things we are Right Now going through.
In fact
it has been too long
invite you to start reading Gods word
from the beginning in Genesis.
Begin a new year
Right here in the middle of the year.
It is Not yet too late to start over.
To begin a new life right now.
Time Is short my friends.
 is the Way
Pray for our country
our President,
 for our world
Pray for Israel.
(this is tardy, i'm sorry, it's the way my mind (doesn't) works.)
But it's still NOT too late to Respond.

*huggs & Buzz's