The Perseid's were showering in Meteor fashion... this morning, so they say. We got up early to see. Apparently the "girls" are a little shy... one long streak followed by a short dash with a long space in between. But with local P.D. out shinning spotlights in the area looking for a reported perp. i guess i can't blame them for their avoidance tactics.
We eventually went back inside to avoid the blinding lights of our protectors. But not before being fumigated by a couple of concerned citizens who made a visit to our out of town neighbors place. As we were waiting for the sky to illuminate with it's promised light show i noticed voices coming from the carport and called out... "HellOoo!" normally one should mind their own business but i figured since this neighbor has been the victim of thieves recently i should at least determine the I.D. s of these shadowed visitors. They responded in kind, greeting us with a bit of surprise but understanding of our inquisitive nature. Their cigarette fumes preceded them and we made a little small talk about the expected Meteor show & recent rash of break-ins til B.B & i could stand no more... it was very nice of them to be concerned, they said the same of us and went on their way smoke trailing merrily behind them & stopping to linger over the porch we stood on. Aarggh! i respect peoples right to smoke and do unto themselves as they see fit ...but i've never understood why it is that i must be forced to "smoke" along with them... against my will. i mean i've never popped my Bubble-gum * * in any ones hair or face and i don't leave it on the ground for others to step on ... though i know some do.
Are there No such things as smokeless cigarettes? i'd really love to exercise my right to breath fresh air... but then maybe there is no such thing?
i learned early on that enclosed spaces are full of particulate matter i can Not deal with ... so i've had to limit my visits to places i formerly enjoyed... such as Church...The Bee hive i once loved despite it's sometimes toxic personalities. For me learning to not just tolerate but actually Love unlovables gave me a feeling of accomplishment and peace about my place in the narrow scheme of things...since i was not trained in ministry as my Husband is.
When i began having to retreat from the overwhelming Chemistry's present there it was a blow to my sense of self. Then some of the toxic peoples began criticising me for avoiding contact with this environment Claiming i was running away and not fulfilling my responsibilities as a Pastors Wife; it sent my soul reeling... as that was the last thing on my wish list. Above all i wanted to come along side my Husband, be the helpmate he needed and deserved in His life's passion to see lives changed, souls light up with the Light of our loving God who put the breath of life within and promises His spirit, the breath of Eternity.
i spent too much time struggling to prove these Toxic people wrong... willing myself to stay within the boundaries they expected of me... running from my post as child watcher to my place in the Praise team then back to my charges who had trouble sitting still... without someone to guide them. The "Toxic's" often sat across the way setting the most awful example to the little ones on how to behave in the company of many. My little ones would often ask why those "Grumpy People" could talk during church but they had to be quiet? It was quite a conundrum as these same people would loudly "Hisssshhhh!! " when a child spoke out-loud, yet talk loudly amongst themselves throughout the entire service (hearing aid anyone??) i told these sweet children that the "G.P.s" had never been taught manners and that we should;"Pray for them just like we pray for others who don't know any better. What better place for the grumpies in life to learn... than Church... where we,(the children and i) could do our best to be good examples?"
It's kind of like people who blow smoke in your hair or industries that emit toxic chemicals into the atmosphere. Apparently no one ever taught them about the effects of their chosen actions & they "know not what they do"... There are allot of things people do that are toxic and unhealthy.. i myself have been dealing with some habits i've learned are not conducive to the best health, physically, mentally, spiritually. i'm learning manners that i hope will create safety & promote wellness around me, to the best of my abilities and limited knowledge. i pray for wisdom in my choices and patience to stay the course, not get discouraged when the path is rough.
It will be rough... life's path is full of obsticles and changes in terrain... am i an example to anyone who needs to learn how to live differently? i don't know, but i Do know places where examples can often be found... for how to behave (and to miss-behave unfortunately). The building that consists of the Church is a good place to start for those who need and can tolerate all kinds of folks and atmospheres... the people who Are the actual Church the "body" .. can be a great help... in encouragement and prayer to support our efforts to De-detoxify our lives. There are healthy Beez out there... and i've been told there are healthy Hives... but like the Perseid "girls" B.B. & i witnessed i am still a bit shy of being put on display. If i show up i may streak or dash right by without much fanfare, intent on getting from point A to some other point i've~~~ lost track of along the way ~~~~a breathing space. Yes, a place to catch my breath.
The point for me bee-ing ~~~ the best place i have found to learn and grow in my walk as i detoxify my life has been the "Word" ...the one place that shines it's spotlight on the places the 'hoodlums' in my mind & heart try to hide. i pray for wisdom yes, but mostly i pray for connection to the One who calls me... calls us all to "Come Home" ... we are Not of this earth .. we are just visitors in our "Earth suits"..... searching for the place we belong. ... all we have to do is ............