forgive me please

Please forgive my indiscretion....on a former post.

Thank you to those who commented and offered prayers...

You are truly Dear and appreciated.

i have much to learn in this world still...

Awakening from this "Coma" has been befuddling to me and i still lose a sense of perspective for where i am in the scheme of things.

This blog is not meant to be an expose' on anyone but on a few things that have been close to my experience

re-emerging into society as it were.

At this point i am wishing to go out into the desert....to disappear for a while... but it's unlikely.

 i am again feeling unfit for human fellowship these days as i did when my life began to spiral down the rabbit hole a few years back.

i guess there's always been a large part of my soul that has never fit in with what others take for granted as the norm.

my own humanity has always been a discomfort... the flesh does not fit the spirit. The body is so limiting and cumbersome.. and i guess i'm just tired. it's o.k. really ... i'm used to this. . i accept it...

 i am Thankful to God... for this gift  ... the breath of life, even when it's hard to keep it up.

 i am sad that i can not bring others into communion with our Father... ABBA...

 that my witness for Jesus is so lame...

my words inane and unmoving.

i wish more than anything that my words could express what my heart has come to know and Love in the powerful grace and mercy of  this Creator who made us for His fellowship.  

He's not this pretend, brain caused fantasy but a heart rendering Being of such beauty and winsomeness beyond the imagination of our limited realms.

 my Words cannot communicate sufficiently the truth that is this one:

This Alpha & Omega...

Beginning and the End....

The Way, Truth,  Life.......  Life.

The Word.

 For as long as i can remember, my heart has been torn to shreds over this rift humanity has chosen to feed into... it is in fact what precipitated the illnesses that overcame me... the pain of separation ... seeing it in myself as well as the rest of humanity. Being faced with my own insufficiency, lack of meaning in any sense.

Nothing i have said or done has mattered in the least. 

i wanted to share my love for God with the world... knowing the world has already rejected it's creator in favor of self -creation...self seeking...self destruction.

We are not interested in how we fit into His-story... but how he fits into ours....

we limit Him like a tiny Jack-in-the Box that we control with a wind up mechanism... each time he Pops up to surprise us we quickly shove Him back down in the box, never really taking a look at the gift He holds inside a universe we cannot fathom.

i'm sorry

He's not in the Box .

Thank You for your love and patience. 

Thank you for being there for me. 

For your prayers and encouragement.... it means more than i can say.

Thank You Jesus

for Loving your children even when we're going through the terrible two's.

for 2,000 + years even:(

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

 Luke 18:17



No foolin'!

No April fools joke here in the Desert!

This Thermometer is in the SHADE!!

It IS over 100 degrees today!

WOO HOO!!

i LOVE This place!!

Planted Zucchini yesterday and discovered that our gorgeous sweet Mexican Avocado seeds are sprouting in the pots i planted them in a Month ago! i thought the cooler weather we'd had might have clobbered the poor dears but ....  they're just beginning to peek out of the dirt...now they have excessive heat to deal with! Yikes!! Such extremes we have here. My camera is not able to get a good picture of the little dears yet ... but it won't be long now.

I hope they keep growing til we find a piece of dirt out in the desert to plant them in, as well as our home. Do you think our home will grow big and healthy ?? 

I do... Oh i DO!

The whole city has been spraying bug & weed killers all over Tarnation here. Our neighbors hire the Pest control and my Hub B. says sales on all those chemicals to kill off critters and their groceries(weeds) has gone through the roof!!

 i worry about our avian friends who rely on bugs and wild weed seeds for sustenance and fortification of their diets. Haven't seen Roadrunner since the spraying started in force. ..but rumor has it that a certain lady who used to feed him raw hamburger wads has moved away, so perhaps He's found another source of goods...

i haven't been able to enjoy the great outdoors as much as i'd like because of the Toxins being sprayed all over ... but i still feel better here than i did in other places & i notice i feel much, much better when we spend a day out in the wilds away from city stuff. So, Some day we'll find just the right spot of dirt in which to plant & invite all the birds, weeds and Buggs that are being fumigated out of the cities.

We planted sunny Yellow Marigolds with the Tomato & Zucchini to help dis-invite some of the more ravenous buggs and invite the Good guys.... like BEE'Z !

 Happy Buzzy days!

 Welcome.......Summer???

Maybe i Am an April Fool??

It's up to 102 now!!

(says the digital gage)

No foolin!!

Big Bird

Another fine example of  how crummy my  camera is!

Ah well.... life is funny... sometimes the things we want to share come out kinda fuzzy in translation. So Here's another fuzzy.

i have been excited this week because this Hooded Oriole is enjoying our feeders on his stop over from somewhere South on his way up Northwards, presumably... perhaps he'll hang around a bit? The lovely splash of Orange-yellow outside my window is like our own personal spot of sunshine darting about.

We may get a Good camera after our tax rebate... Yes ... the Gov. "burrowed" a bit of our money this past year ... so now we get some of it back!

i think a decent camera would be justified.

So....  do you have any advice on a good, reasonably priced camera?

One that translates well Here?

i see Such lovely Photo's out there.

i have been a bit sad these days. So i'm Thankful for my Blogger friends who offer such cheerful words and pictures.

Like this lovely bird (really... he's so bright compared to this photo) i come to these windows on Your worlds and am blessed by your splashes of Son/sunshine.  

i appreciate these So Much! 

Perhaps this sounds odd, but, i am also Thankful for those of you who are able to share disappointments here... knowing we are not alone, is a comfort. 

Not all our trials are exactly the same, i know, but i appreciate being able to offer prayers up for my friends... to in some small way help "carry one another's burdens". This helps me, to not be always thinking of myself. i believe this is good. 

For what it's worth .... i pray daily Blessings for All of you!

i know Jesus loves You more dearly than my words could express.

it's why B.B. & i read His words every morning.

Do You?

Hubby & i read Isaiah 45 this morning

i love verse 9

about the clay arguing with the potter..."What are you making?"

Romans 9:20,21 also speaks of this Potter/clay relationship

"Why did you make me this way?"

Boy

have i been feeling like that bratty lump of clay lately.

i just really wish God would let me In on his plans for me sometimes,

it's Really hard to "Be still &

 wait, wait, wait."

but i keep remembering that  His word says:

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

So, today i am grateful for the windows,

the visions of beauty

out there,

the hopes for beauty shared. 

Found beauty,

Hopes,

Dreams,

Eternity set in our hearts

shared and noted.

Thank You

All. 

from my fuzzy, buzzy heart to Your sweet Hearts!

86'd

Yup ...it's 86 degree's here in the Desert Southwest.

And ... a stinkin' virus buffaloed me and i thought i had been 86'd from all things virtual..... no Velocitraptor taming for me!

for eons!!

Hey but it's all just fine & dandy by me ... being here in the desert has been good enough for me i just thought it was a good opportunity to take on the world.

Ha!

First mistake was to accept a job offered .... Not really a mistake... just a miscalculation on my part... Apparently i'm Not quite ready to dive back into the pond of life with all the lovely smellin' peoples.

What was amazing to me was how everybody is out there saying there are no jobs ... yes i know it's true ... but i was not really looking for a job... it came looking for me!

Had my wimpy body been able to cope with the chemical soup the world is bathed in ... i would have loved to keep this job.

but once again i had to slap my inner desires aside and accept the outer reality...

*See that BIG-Bird in the upper corner of the picture....it came by and popped my tiny Hot-air balloon... so i had to end That flight a little sooner than i hoped;>

But OH... the view was lovely while it lasted.

Hubby's new job is going along just beautifully... so we are o.k. financially ... we've never really worried about money stuff anyway..... but ... i have always enjoyed putting my efforts into things.. i like trying out different occupations... slipping on another type of hat ... so they say... put myself into another persons shoes...

have i worn out the cliche's Yet??

It  seems the virus wasn't the problem i thought it was... and after my head cleared i was able to 86 the stupid thing, til next time i guess. When another one decides to flop by like Big-Bird and poke another hole in my bubble head.

They say what doesn't kill you will make you stronger....

is that Stronger Smelling? 

or.....

Please... i've had enough overload for the month...

Oh Yeah...

i discovered that Zinc oxide helps keep stinky armpits at bay.

at least for me.

No Fragrance please.

Bird Water-er

My Camera is So Bad... this is the best Humming buddy pict' i could come up with ...

But i Just LOVE these Funny little critters!

This morning i went out to water our salad garden and mini Palm tree grove ..it was under 50* out there so i was taken by surprise when one of our resident Hum-B's flew up to my face as if to say ... "Hey Watch This!" then dove like a tiny arrow strait down into the spray coming from beneath  the stream of water as i held the hose transfixed...

Was this a fluke? Did This little Dude Actually just fly Through that shower? Oh Yes... He Sure did!!  Then he dove back in over and over while i did my best not to drop the hose ...my hands & arms were getting tired! At one point this little jewel  landed on the gravel & just sat there under the cold shower... Ohhh... What FUN!!

i know birds love baths... my Grandfather raised parakeets and canaries for years in an out door atrium and now that i think about it i Do remember something about spray misters as well as tiny little birdy bathtubs set along perches inside his lovely bird sanctuary.

Yes... Now i remember ... wild birds also love the spray of garden sprinklers ... i've mused over how darling they are as they fluffle & preen their feathers under people created April-showers.

So much i have forgotten... & what a fun way to be reminded how lovely our co-existance with Gods Creation can be.

i was So Pleasantly Surprised by this little Sweety's Boldness, his vigor in staking claim to this moment of joy.... & necessity; i'm thinking.

We all need our cleansing showers in one way or the other ... physical Water based Ablutions (i love that old fashioned word:) and renewing Spiritual showers brought by the light of Love and truth.

Create in me a pure heart O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

na-abugg haz a bugg

Guess my New Years resolution should have been:

* To avoid the flu like the plague!

Oh well.

The flu bugs flew in on the wings of the Snow-birds who got blown in to town via the many snow storms that are occurring throughout this grand old country.

Since Hubby worked at the Hub of the towns commerce center .... of course he was nipped by a Bug which then followed him home like a homeless puppy.

a really mangy one!

ickk!!

i'm glad y'all know This bug is already Really slow at posting here, so No one panics when i don't poke my head out for a bit.

i have been peeking at every bodies wonderful New Years doings though... and feeling SO encouraged to see so much good happening around me.

Just wanted to say "Hi!"

and "Keep Up the Good Work"!

to all of You.

Oh, and Good news!

Hubby has a new & better job!

Still in the commerce sector but a better place, none the less. We're happy with it.

Thanks to all of you who prayed !

 It's funny but Just like God the way this came about.

We had just prayed the other morning, Asking for a change in employment...

and this very day a man came to Hub's and asked if he would be interested in working for His company.

We're in a small town... apparently Hubby's reputation for being a cheerful, encouraging & hard worker, has gotten around.

What a wonderful Blessing this is!

The new place is a Big improvement!

YaY!

Stay Healthy Y'all!

*kare

Baby it's Cold outside

i know...i know...

This is Not seriously cold compared to much of the weather in the blizzardly parts of the world... but for Us desert dwellers; This is Cold enough; Thank You! i had to cover my Chard garden & hope it wasn't Chilled to freezin' by morning!

Oh, did i mention yet?? We did have a lovely Chard salad on Christmas day... Hey ... it was great! What a lovely backwards season surprise that was! i could get used to this!))

We have lettuce now! YaY! it's a bit spindly at this time... i've never seen such wimpy lettuce in my life though, since trying to grow it here! i'm hoping it will flesh out as it matures, it's a leaf lettuce that looks like droopy oak leaves ....It's really......................................

  ........ Pitiful!

Have i talked about lettuce already? Gee, you wouldn't know such little things could mean so much in a life ... but they Do...They Do!

When a life has been limited for whatever reason or season we endure, These little things Do mean something. i look out there to this Bloggosphere and see peoples doing far loftier things and where once i could only wish and dream while enjoying others triumphs; i can now enjoy these tiny things, these steps as though they were monumental; cause for me they are and it's Huge to be coming out of the fog like this. To have begun healing from the disappointment of the loss we had and now to be seeing each day that my body is beginning to make changes for the better.  i can now wear my running shoes and flats without having to change to my big floppy slippers a few hours later...the edema is residing more and more and now i can see where the exercise has been doing me some good.

Peoples tend to look at me and see my puffy face, see my over round features and assume i am just a lazy couch potato who does nothing  but sit around eating my life away. An acquaintance recently told me all this was in my head, that there's no such thing as Fibromyalgia or Environmental illness...that i use it as an excuse to stay away from stuff i don't like or don't want to do. i've heard this before of course, and their wrong. i only wish it were as simple as that. It's not. As i begin to think more clearly i hope to research more and be able to share what it really is.

But for now i just have to say that  i'm SO grateful for friends who truly care and show it by letting me share these little things and enjoy their lofty things... it's So exiting to be participating in  life these days!

Just to prove it ... i did something Lofty (for me) today! With the help of my True Love... cause i was a little unsure of myself... it's been so long since i did this....i was inspired by this chilly winter day and decided that it was time to re- introduce myself to the art of ...

Bread making !