Wednesday, August 31, 2011
i'm Beeing followed
Abby will clean up after me!
She's a Very Good Helper!
Ah ha ha ha ha!!!
Smarty pants me...thought: If i "Follow" myself ... i could Some-how be able to reply to my friends who make Comments here!
No - Such - Duck!!
Here i am, replying to You Christine aka: Mama-bug...
Cause i want you to know your care Matters.
The inspiration for putting up one of my old pictures of the lovely old house... Came from You!
i Luv, luv, luv, the Old house pictures You have blessed us all with and since i have a small archive of my own from the days i aspired to Bee a Photographer .... i will eventually share some of those shots... if i can figure out how to upload them here.
Right now i have not got the sustained brain power to remember what i read .... when i study
"How to Do's"
Much less figure out how to upload my mere pittance of photographic effort.
Getting anything onto this Blogger page is in itself a HUGE thing for me.
if only Moon-doggy could help stuff my mind back into my head!))
it's that white rag looking thing she's carrying...(he, he)
Hey... my 'House Therapy' is coming along .... slow but ....
No danger of hurting myself at This pace.
The danger is for those who attempt to come into this place right now... including Poor Hubbub when he comes home from work... He just never knows what he's gonna walk Into.
But... as long as it's a Big kiss* from me and a paw # pawed from Abby he seems
"None the worse for wear."
(what does That mean anyway?)
God IS faithful my Friend....s.
i know he has us in his hands and that we just need to
i need to Bee still....and know that He is God.
i just get so Antsy when it seems a door has been opened... and like the crazy red ants i cannot evict from my back yard... it's hard for me to let go of a prospect ....
that this door will be THE one that leads to that place we can settle....
The gypsy life was fine,
for a time...
Letting go of every home we lived in...
It's good to let go...
But i don't know how to
maybe i never did?
It's not just the moving around either.
Since becoming Hypersensitive to chemicals and learning i have to avoid so many things including people and the toxic clouds that surrounds them/us...
it's been allot of letting go.
i went to a counselor eons ago .... because i had trouble being around people...
she used to ask me why i held my breath...
i didn't know.
i was 11 years old.
what does a kid know?
Of course at that time they thought it was all in my head...
that the panic attacks and frustration were all due to some psychological disorder.
i guess i should give the 'experts' a little credit,
at least they were close.
it IS in my head....some of it anyway...
when i get exposed to some-thing my body cannot tolerate
breathing, eating or drinking it...
when it wafts into my eyes or onto my skin... and burns like i've been misted with stinging drops of acid...
When my ears start ringing and my throat closes and i have to run away gasping for air, feeling like a rabid dog...
it Does mess with my head.
It took me forever to figure out the fact that i am not only physically affected by toxins but that
it also affects my head... it Does make me feel like i'm losing my mind.
it's been hard for me to wrap my head around this.
Hard to figure out how to share this with people.
So i find myself retreating further away
not trying to keep connections
despite a deep desire to keep lovely people in my life.
i've let go of people who mean so much to me... because it's So hard to just think for myself, to just be... much less try to get the words out so others will understand.
My thoughts and words are convoluted.
i say things in ways people don't understand
then i end up not being able to go back and explain
because i can't remember what i meant or said in the first place.
i've gotten into arguments with people when i actually agreed with them but my words came out backwards and out of sink (?)
It's good to know that God not only leads,
but also follows with the offer of Grace and New creation.
He's ready willing and more than able to help us re-modle our lives.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; The old has gone, the new has come!
2nd Corinthians 5:17
My goal in life is:
Not to follow myself around but to follow the one who created this life.
To bee greatful for each day not in spite of the pains but because of them.
To bee Thankful for these oppertunities to reach out and participate in life with people.
Thank You for sticking with me even when there seems to be nothing to stick to!
You're all such sweet Honey Beez
Abbys sticky too!
Thats why we tell her to go get
GOOD MOON DOG!!