MEE-OWCH!

Lazer beams...Sssinge-ing my heart and soul.......
...............is that the gist of it?
.....Yes, i think it's quite right ....
Yes i think these qualify for Lazer beams of some furrosity!
Probly 'cause i can't spell rite naow! huh?
Mee..aowch ??? Owe !
These kitty eyes really burn a whole BIG hole into the very soles of my soulless shoes and heart! oooh..not good.

Funny thing about this picture but i could swear it's exactly what i see when i look into the mirror!

This is a good picture of how i feel about myself this week... this moment in time.
A blog i follow: Tabitha Birds "Through My Eyes" had talked recently about finding our "inner cat"....(i love Tabithas Blog!)
i made a silly comment about my B.B. being Tigger and me being Eeyore as of late... but this photo of our dear sweet MiLd mannered little Angel kitty, our Slippersdoodles .... Really serves as my reflexion at this moment.
i have been This, this week. ALL this week!

my Tigger 'Hub-Bee' has done all he can to retain the bounce in his effervescently springy bouncy self... and this is what he see's when he looks at me...
........our dear little girl here reserves this glare for din-din not forthcoming from the "sharing table" time... Megga beggar this little one!

And what's mY problem??? ...............i think the Grinch may have come early....

i'll share more about my Attitude and need for an adjustment soon... but suffice it to say....
Grinch Happens???

Pray for Tigger  ... he's got a chance at a new job in ministry coming up... & wifeypoo needs to take a nice pill...or something. :[
Perhaps lazer surgery on her heart? a mind transplant? i need to think warm & fuzzy... sweet little kitty... nice soft, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Would SOMEONE please turn down the lights??

 

Our Chard garden

Since coming here to the desert i had one major goal in mind... other than recuperation from life's stormy gales:
To Grow a salad garden... YEAH!

One would think things would grow well with the endless sunshine we have here in the desert... and since we are along the Colorado river and there is a large agricultural community along the banks, i sort of hoped growing veggies would be a done deal.

 Too soon i came to understand that this desert sun can be a 'bit' intense for tender seedlings and though we did get a small crop of heat resistant tomato's the Sun soon beat down my hopes for anything more abundant....
....At least at the time.
The supposedly heat tolerant lettuce i grew was scraggly from the get go but we did have some with sandwiches... we made the best of it......The Chard only reached about 1 inch tall but after weathering the heat... IT and a tiny lettuce are still alive after six months and getting some color even! How Funny is this?
But we are elated!
...... kind of like Eeyore when he received the empty 'hunny jar' and popped balloon from his friends on his birthday... Anyone remember that story? i've always appreciated how much those mangled gifts meant to that sad little guy... that's the way i felt about our 1st desert experiment... they may not have reached their full potential but boy what fun it was just playing with the dirt, picking out plants, watering, sitting in the sun and watching something peek out from the soil.

Though the sun my have Charred our hopes earlier in the year.... we didn't give up ...
 No! ...can't do that!
Sweetie B. built us a Better planter... We waited for the weather to cool ...planted a new crop on October 11th... we have had to cover it already as the temps have been low ... but...

The sun has not Charred our Chard this time!

YaY!

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.~ Maori Proverb

Thank fullness

                                                      "In the beginning was the Word"

i am Thank-full for the Word of God that is given as his love letter to his peoples here on this tiny dust speck out in the space of his Grand Universe. We are but dust and from that dust he creates his work of art ... He is the Potter... we are the clay.

How marvelous is this!

*** Unfathomable!

* Beyond my ability to comprehend.

When i read this Love letter from the Old Testament to the New...all of it together... not separate as some people do... then look at the things that occur daily...

The scientific discoveries.. the sociological issues, Governments, society, issues of health in mind and body, the way the earth has been formed and how it's course has run...

*Where the world sees a mystery, i see a God that knows exactly how he created it...

*Where the knowledge of man sees Evolution...

.........i see the Creation from the beginning pure and untainted, perfect...

To the beginning of it's De-volution with the fall of man when Adam and Eve chose to rely on hearsay and rumour from one disgruntled spirit and made the choice to be consumers of  spiritual, mental, emotional and physical toxicity instead of truth. Death came dressed up as something desirable. It looked good! The "salesman" said it would make us smart, he said we'd benefit in ways unimagined; That we'd be More than we were. We bought in to the lie... and ....

Chaos took over where we were unwilling to stand up against it ....

........ but God, our Father ... still stands before us offering his hand of love and peace when we his toddlers get tired of running off in all different directions yelling "NO!"insisting we can do it all by ourselves and that everything is "MINE!" because we're selfish and don't want to share.

i am Thank-full for the Word of God that shows us the way, Who shows us "The Way, the Truth and the Life."  When we open our hearts & minds to the Word.... when we open our eyes and look into the Truth of the Way He speaks of ... blurriness fades...the toxic fog begins to lift.... and we are invited once again to Breathe in the breath of Life ... to drink from the living waters that flow from the realm our spirits were created to share with the Father of all creation.

So this is my Thanks-giving to The One who made all the things we can imagine to be Thank-full for even those wonders unimaginable..

      "No eye has seen, 

                     nor ear heard,

          no mind has conceived

               what God has prepared for those who love Him"

          but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.  1st Corinthians 2:9-10

                                 
                                   Thank You God for the gift of life.
                

    That we are in Your hands becoming the creation you intended      from the beginning of time.

             
               Jesus, you are my life preserver.. my heart is full.
                                    Thank You!
                                   

Thanks beeing

Brrrrrrrrrrrr!!
i am SO Thankful we No longer
 live in this kind of weather! THANK YOU GOD for helping us leave this frigid stuff behind... it was just killing me.

Yeah, i know some folks LOVE this stuff and just so you know ... there is a nice little ski resort up there at the top of the Hill.

Pretty to look at...but having been a professional driver, i hated it all the more as those folks who did not know how to drive in it were the Worst hazard out there.

 i am enormously grateful for the experience of being in the Northwest, the privilege of knowing the lovely people that lived there.

Some of them predicted we would return ... & while i do miss them ... i absolutely do NOT miss the weather.

So ...NO, there is little chance that we will move back. We generously leave it's loveliness to those who appreciate skating across parking lots and shoveling sidewalks; Chopping wood and defrosting plumbing.

i did used to love the smell of wood smoke during the cold season... but this was just one more thing that exacerbated my environmental sensitivity.

i'm Thankful to be here.
With my Honey B. and our precious kiddles.
Thankful for bee-ing
in the warmth of the moment.
With the sweetness of friends,
specially new ones!
Thank You Mama-Bug
for bee-ing there when i was having trouble even praying for myself.
Thank you all for praying for me...
for us.
Hub-B. says
"May God Bless You!"



OH !

       There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

 under heaven.

   a time to be born and a time to die...

           Ecclessiastes 3: 1-2

How do i say this?

is there an explanation?

i've tried to remain positive and upbeat, find the lighter things to hi-lite despite the draggy parts of life, the pains and all that.

Reality has a way of kicking you in the butt though and yet for the last... oh... since my trip up north to see my family... my Onyx Rose... i have felt severed from reality and could not put my finger on the reason other than the fogg that hangs over much of this fibrofogged, chemically sensitive life.  Feeling disconnected is nothing new really.

a while back i mentioned having been hit with some heavy symptoms i chalked up to the usual stuff with consideration for the extra stress the journey put on us. i used to love travel and still look forward to the day we can do more...

When my husband and i drove truck our first year of marriage we were told it would make or break us.

It  made us so much closer than we ever expected. We learned to be a team... to rely on one another and the darkest moments made the lighter ones all the more brilliant. We put our trust in God as we understand that He is the Hub of our lives. The wheel is only as strong as it's connection to the Hub.

That was 16 years ago... i was 32 & B.B. was 41 years old.

Near the beginning of that crazy year we had one of our worst trials ... our first miscarriage.

We hadn't planned a baby; before i realized i was pregnant i lost it.

i know that sounds stupid. But we were both so focused on the tasks at hand.. what i called

"Elephant taming" ...

Truck driving was an exercises in patience for both of us, learning not only to tolerate each others differing ways of handling a Big Rig but it was a 'trust walk' for both of us... we were the "old dogs" learning new tricks..it was tough. It was fantastic.

 Long story: short... while i had been with my trainer we had nearly been in an accident and i had been thrown from the sleeper (which had no restraints) to the front of the cab. Just some bumps and bruises, so i thought....she burnt herself with her ever present cigarette. Within a week i was having the miscarriage out in the middle of no-where U.S.A.

My Sister was the first one i told... She had been through one... she understood.

 My Husband was 3000 miles away with his trainer.... No cell phones.. only dispatch to pass messages through.

Talk about disconnected... it was such a strange experience... Our company kept us apart for another week and tried to manipulate us into other arrangements but after what we'd just been through i was not having any of it. They threatened to fire me if i refused their plan that would keep us apart for another month or more. i refused and took the next bus back to the terminal to meet my husband... telling them that if he wasn't there i would be quitting.
i was given a brand new truck (w/13miles on it  =:O) and a load that would take me to a meet up with my Love.

At 32 i had considered myself too old to have a baby... so the whole thing was very strange to me..

A couple of years ago a Dr. told me i was going through peri-menopause... then i was diagnosed with this Fibromyalgia and the Chemical Sensitivity. My thyroid has been off kilter for years so this body of mine isn't exactly a nursery candidate.

i am 48.

we had another miscarriage.

Onyx-Rose reminds me that we now have one more baby awaiting at that "Family Re-Union"... i know we are not the only ones.
God is Good.
No matter what.



a hunting we will go

i know this is blurry .... but Hey! At least i was outside and have something else to write about....

We planted rainbow chard in a lovely box B.B. built for us and i found Heirloom Beefsteak and Mr.Stripey tomato's for our other planters since we are doing container gardens here in the desert.

   

As i was watering apparently i disturbed This little dude... some sort of Gecko ... who came wobbling from beneath the rock pile next to our makeshift garden... i'm guessing that i awoke him from sleep as he was still a bit slow..so ...i caught him! And fashioned a temporary terrarium for him so i could show him to my Love when he got home from work. Gecko loved the little rock ... why i show this blurred vision... just so you know. My camera is on the blink so that's a big-huge bummer...just as i'm improving it decides to do this... ugh.

   It's been eons since i hunted & caught lizards or any critters from the wild, this was something i loved to do when i was a child ....so i guess part of me is returning to my childhood in a way.. at least this has made me feel young again. YAY! This teeny-tiny creature is So adorable... i immediately went on line to learn all about him, learning what he eats...Buggs!!!  i found some Termites (much to hubby's chagrin)  under an old plank of wood out back and watched Gecko hunt and eat with such enthusiasm. It made me so happy to be able to provide a comfortable environment and meal for our "guest". i learned that people keep these critters as pets, how to tell male from female.. that they need warmed spots and cool areas so they can choose which they prefer at any given moment. They don't drag their tails like lizards do but hold it aloft  & wag it back & forth as a distraction to birds who might want to have a Gecko snack... the tail detaches when grabbed (Yeeowch!) and though it grows back it's not as good as the original tail it was born with. A fat tail means a well fed little buddy who will survive lean days  best.  

Any chance this is true of peoples too???  The weight loss industry would never suggest this.

Here's what he's supposed  to look like.....

& i.....

:)

hiding in the attic

My mind is holed up within this Turret at the top of this neat old house i photographed many years ago. i had attended a Photog class based on special processing techniques. i could tell you where this is but... that's not the point of this post now is it ? Since losing time i realize i've lost a feeling of purpose, there's much to say, much to do i know, only it all seems to have come to an impasse. It's not that i don't care, i Do! Perhaps too much and that's the confounding part. As i keep remembering things, accomplishments, failures, competencies and ineptitude's the good, bad and the indifferent; it all seems too involved. i want a simpler life...need it like air...but air is not so lovely any more.. everywhere i go is full of aromas i dare not enjoy, can not stay to inhale all these things others take for granted...as i once did. i want to be with family and friends... but they all need their lovely aromas around them. The scented candles, essential oil (essential? to whom?) Air fresheners... does anyone really understand the chemistry we spray into the air thinking it "freshens" when it truly is Polluting the air all around them? These chemicals are often not even tested on humans nor animals to see what their short Or long term affects are. As long as people like the scent, No One seems to care what it is doing to our bodies? Least of all the chemical giants that create and promote their products as being "Healthy and Natural."

        Plutonium is "Natural" .... am i willingly going to go find a pile and take a big sniff up my nose? or spray it on my skin, or Bathe in it? How's about a little sprinkle on my corn flakes??............... i think Not!

        It's not just the scents either. Food is rife with chemistry i must avoid like the plague. M.S.G., Nitrates, Sulfur, additives. So many processed foods are loaded with preservatives and "flavor enhancers" these days. Daily i read reports, another study involving the toxicity of things we put into our mouths. Why Do we Need these things? Convenience? safety? Sure...................surely Not!)

    Some beloved hobbies/aspiring careers, are things i can no longer enjoy...  Photography and the chemicals....that wonderful  "Soup" that brings to life the hidden images on a page that have been exposed and encouraged to come out of the darkness into the light baring the touch of the Photographers creative imaginings. i loved the entire process, from loading the film into an old camera...searching out my subject, setting the aperture and all that marvelous wizardry from beginning to end that i can barely remember, much less have an intelligent conversation about. My mind once buzzed with Photographic buzziness...now i barely drone..

 Ah.. Yes! the 'cornball' is still skimming just under the surface of all this groaning and droning... All Iz not lost i realize...

While hiding in the attic i've been peeking out into this Bloggosphere, discovering so much. It's all So much to take in... but i am taking it in and neglecting to come back here to join in the discovery: the creation of things To discover.

There are Peoples and places and environments here...where i can go to and look around and See so many things i thought i'd never see because of these limitations that were strangling me.

i get to join my friend Funky punky  as she roams the streets of L.A. digging for treasures to bring out of the perdition of a throw away mindset. Hoping to nurture her friends and the minds of those willing to look beyond their own prejudices into the face of Community. The fact that we are a World Community.

A young woman living her dream, crossing the United States on Horseback, finding more than she expected on the back roads and  hearts of the people.

New friends 'Across the pond' who have the strength to write for a living and live a life worth writing about. Being fully aware and fully human, sharing at the cost of ones privacy, willingly reaching out to love and encourage those of us who need those gentle and strong words. "Get UP Off Your Bum!"(just paraphrasing;)

There are Homesteaders, Homemakers, a Hermit, Artists, Gardeners, a young lady in the military who rides and shows a Draft horse, an Old Geezer riding a wave of popularity as his followers join in making comments so numerous one can barely hope to find a space.  There are those like me who struggle with the things life can load upon a soul...  mind, hearts and bodies,  Yet show up here to tell of survival.

There's Photographers who share their talents and others who claim not to be Photographers who's pictures share as much joy in the experiment as in the accomplishment.

Tell me ... Is it True that one can be a Photographer now without having to Touch the chemical Soup we once used as paint on canvas? 

This Bee hive is fascinating.

Perhaps it's time to climb back down from the attic...

You can run but you can't hide.