Thanks beeing

Brrrrrrrrrrrr!!
i am SO Thankful we No longer
 live in this kind of weather! THANK YOU GOD for helping us leave this frigid stuff behind... it was just killing me.

Yeah, i know some folks LOVE this stuff and just so you know ... there is a nice little ski resort up there at the top of the Hill.

Pretty to look at...but having been a professional driver, i hated it all the more as those folks who did not know how to drive in it were the Worst hazard out there.

 i am enormously grateful for the experience of being in the Northwest, the privilege of knowing the lovely people that lived there.

Some of them predicted we would return ... & while i do miss them ... i absolutely do NOT miss the weather.

So ...NO, there is little chance that we will move back. We generously leave it's loveliness to those who appreciate skating across parking lots and shoveling sidewalks; Chopping wood and defrosting plumbing.

i did used to love the smell of wood smoke during the cold season... but this was just one more thing that exacerbated my environmental sensitivity.

i'm Thankful to be here.
With my Honey B. and our precious kiddles.
Thankful for bee-ing
in the warmth of the moment.
With the sweetness of friends,
specially new ones!
Thank You Mama-Bug
for bee-ing there when i was having trouble even praying for myself.
Thank you all for praying for me...
for us.
Hub-B. says
"May God Bless You!"



OH !

       There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

 under heaven.

   a time to be born and a time to die...

           Ecclessiastes 3: 1-2

How do i say this?

is there an explanation?

i've tried to remain positive and upbeat, find the lighter things to hi-lite despite the draggy parts of life, the pains and all that.

Reality has a way of kicking you in the butt though and yet for the last... oh... since my trip up north to see my family... my Onyx Rose... i have felt severed from reality and could not put my finger on the reason other than the fogg that hangs over much of this fibrofogged, chemically sensitive life.  Feeling disconnected is nothing new really.

a while back i mentioned having been hit with some heavy symptoms i chalked up to the usual stuff with consideration for the extra stress the journey put on us. i used to love travel and still look forward to the day we can do more...

When my husband and i drove truck our first year of marriage we were told it would make or break us.

It  made us so much closer than we ever expected. We learned to be a team... to rely on one another and the darkest moments made the lighter ones all the more brilliant. We put our trust in God as we understand that He is the Hub of our lives. The wheel is only as strong as it's connection to the Hub.

That was 16 years ago... i was 32 & B.B. was 41 years old.

Near the beginning of that crazy year we had one of our worst trials ... our first miscarriage.

We hadn't planned a baby; before i realized i was pregnant i lost it.

i know that sounds stupid. But we were both so focused on the tasks at hand.. what i called

"Elephant taming" ...

Truck driving was an exercises in patience for both of us, learning not only to tolerate each others differing ways of handling a Big Rig but it was a 'trust walk' for both of us... we were the "old dogs" learning new tricks..it was tough. It was fantastic.

 Long story: short... while i had been with my trainer we had nearly been in an accident and i had been thrown from the sleeper (which had no restraints) to the front of the cab. Just some bumps and bruises, so i thought....she burnt herself with her ever present cigarette. Within a week i was having the miscarriage out in the middle of no-where U.S.A.

My Sister was the first one i told... She had been through one... she understood.

 My Husband was 3000 miles away with his trainer.... No cell phones.. only dispatch to pass messages through.

Talk about disconnected... it was such a strange experience... Our company kept us apart for another week and tried to manipulate us into other arrangements but after what we'd just been through i was not having any of it. They threatened to fire me if i refused their plan that would keep us apart for another month or more. i refused and took the next bus back to the terminal to meet my husband... telling them that if he wasn't there i would be quitting.
i was given a brand new truck (w/13miles on it  =:O) and a load that would take me to a meet up with my Love.

At 32 i had considered myself too old to have a baby... so the whole thing was very strange to me..

A couple of years ago a Dr. told me i was going through peri-menopause... then i was diagnosed with this Fibromyalgia and the Chemical Sensitivity. My thyroid has been off kilter for years so this body of mine isn't exactly a nursery candidate.

i am 48.

we had another miscarriage.

Onyx-Rose reminds me that we now have one more baby awaiting at that "Family Re-Union"... i know we are not the only ones.
God is Good.
No matter what.



a hunting we will go

i know this is blurry .... but Hey! At least i was outside and have something else to write about....

We planted rainbow chard in a lovely box B.B. built for us and i found Heirloom Beefsteak and Mr.Stripey tomato's for our other planters since we are doing container gardens here in the desert.

   

As i was watering apparently i disturbed This little dude... some sort of Gecko ... who came wobbling from beneath the rock pile next to our makeshift garden... i'm guessing that i awoke him from sleep as he was still a bit slow..so ...i caught him! And fashioned a temporary terrarium for him so i could show him to my Love when he got home from work. Gecko loved the little rock ... why i show this blurred vision... just so you know. My camera is on the blink so that's a big-huge bummer...just as i'm improving it decides to do this... ugh.

   It's been eons since i hunted & caught lizards or any critters from the wild, this was something i loved to do when i was a child ....so i guess part of me is returning to my childhood in a way.. at least this has made me feel young again. YAY! This teeny-tiny creature is So adorable... i immediately went on line to learn all about him, learning what he eats...Buggs!!!  i found some Termites (much to hubby's chagrin)  under an old plank of wood out back and watched Gecko hunt and eat with such enthusiasm. It made me so happy to be able to provide a comfortable environment and meal for our "guest". i learned that people keep these critters as pets, how to tell male from female.. that they need warmed spots and cool areas so they can choose which they prefer at any given moment. They don't drag their tails like lizards do but hold it aloft  & wag it back & forth as a distraction to birds who might want to have a Gecko snack... the tail detaches when grabbed (Yeeowch!) and though it grows back it's not as good as the original tail it was born with. A fat tail means a well fed little buddy who will survive lean days  best.  

Any chance this is true of peoples too???  The weight loss industry would never suggest this.

Here's what he's supposed  to look like.....

& i.....

:)

hiding in the attic

My mind is holed up within this Turret at the top of this neat old house i photographed many years ago. i had attended a Photog class based on special processing techniques. i could tell you where this is but... that's not the point of this post now is it ? Since losing time i realize i've lost a feeling of purpose, there's much to say, much to do i know, only it all seems to have come to an impasse. It's not that i don't care, i Do! Perhaps too much and that's the confounding part. As i keep remembering things, accomplishments, failures, competencies and ineptitude's the good, bad and the indifferent; it all seems too involved. i want a simpler life...need it like air...but air is not so lovely any more.. everywhere i go is full of aromas i dare not enjoy, can not stay to inhale all these things others take for granted...as i once did. i want to be with family and friends... but they all need their lovely aromas around them. The scented candles, essential oil (essential? to whom?) Air fresheners... does anyone really understand the chemistry we spray into the air thinking it "freshens" when it truly is Polluting the air all around them? These chemicals are often not even tested on humans nor animals to see what their short Or long term affects are. As long as people like the scent, No One seems to care what it is doing to our bodies? Least of all the chemical giants that create and promote their products as being "Healthy and Natural."

        Plutonium is "Natural" .... am i willingly going to go find a pile and take a big sniff up my nose? or spray it on my skin, or Bathe in it? How's about a little sprinkle on my corn flakes??............... i think Not!

        It's not just the scents either. Food is rife with chemistry i must avoid like the plague. M.S.G., Nitrates, Sulfur, additives. So many processed foods are loaded with preservatives and "flavor enhancers" these days. Daily i read reports, another study involving the toxicity of things we put into our mouths. Why Do we Need these things? Convenience? safety? Sure...................surely Not!)

    Some beloved hobbies/aspiring careers, are things i can no longer enjoy...  Photography and the chemicals....that wonderful  "Soup" that brings to life the hidden images on a page that have been exposed and encouraged to come out of the darkness into the light baring the touch of the Photographers creative imaginings. i loved the entire process, from loading the film into an old camera...searching out my subject, setting the aperture and all that marvelous wizardry from beginning to end that i can barely remember, much less have an intelligent conversation about. My mind once buzzed with Photographic buzziness...now i barely drone..

 Ah.. Yes! the 'cornball' is still skimming just under the surface of all this groaning and droning... All Iz not lost i realize...

While hiding in the attic i've been peeking out into this Bloggosphere, discovering so much. It's all So much to take in... but i am taking it in and neglecting to come back here to join in the discovery: the creation of things To discover.

There are Peoples and places and environments here...where i can go to and look around and See so many things i thought i'd never see because of these limitations that were strangling me.

i get to join my friend Funky punky  as she roams the streets of L.A. digging for treasures to bring out of the perdition of a throw away mindset. Hoping to nurture her friends and the minds of those willing to look beyond their own prejudices into the face of Community. The fact that we are a World Community.

A young woman living her dream, crossing the United States on Horseback, finding more than she expected on the back roads and  hearts of the people.

New friends 'Across the pond' who have the strength to write for a living and live a life worth writing about. Being fully aware and fully human, sharing at the cost of ones privacy, willingly reaching out to love and encourage those of us who need those gentle and strong words. "Get UP Off Your Bum!"(just paraphrasing;)

There are Homesteaders, Homemakers, a Hermit, Artists, Gardeners, a young lady in the military who rides and shows a Draft horse, an Old Geezer riding a wave of popularity as his followers join in making comments so numerous one can barely hope to find a space.  There are those like me who struggle with the things life can load upon a soul...  mind, hearts and bodies,  Yet show up here to tell of survival.

There's Photographers who share their talents and others who claim not to be Photographers who's pictures share as much joy in the experiment as in the accomplishment.

Tell me ... Is it True that one can be a Photographer now without having to Touch the chemical Soup we once used as paint on canvas? 

This Bee hive is fascinating.

Perhaps it's time to climb back down from the attic...

You can run but you can't hide.

   

HEY !

So ..... What Givez anyway?? Since starting this BLOG thing several peoples i told about it.............. Snickered :<....  

What'z that all about???     

  Oh Bother.... for some stupid reason i can Not get This post to cooperate with me either!!!

Ever have one of These Days?? 

One of my favorite songs is by Barlow Girl.... "Never alone"... it speaks volumes of this thing Christians call "The walk"... and sometimes how it feels like we're not fully aware of the presence of Our Creator. We think our lack of feeling, seeing, being in sync. means separation in some way. Separation is a tough bugger to cope with sometimes. i know....my life started at the beginning of a Big-huge separation... and has been a witness to many more such severances of relationship. Permanence is something of little strength within the fabric of human experience.

Not so with "The Word"...John 1:1

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Trying to engage my family's interest in this 'Blogosphere' has been like trying to get a child to try a new food ... you know they'll love it once they sneak one more bite ... but getting them to the table is a big honking deal!

Today i tried to comment on another Bloggers site but could not get the code word or my password to work So my "special insight" never made it to them... so ... i guess i'm having a time of it anyway.

Since getting back to our dry and weary land .... this lovely desert... i have had a horrid infection raging through my body... brought on by exposures to so many things... there was just no avoiding them without bundling up in a Space suit.... this old "Earthsuit" is just so threadbare.

i have these days, weeks, months, etc.... where my mortality is in question.... as these health things take forever sometimes to resolve, my mind can't help but think how short and fragile life really is. i want to reach out to everybody and no one at the same time. i have so much to say, but nothing makes it out... of my mind or heart.

sometimes it's best that way.

i know i am not alone...

i don't really mind being alone.

sometimes it's best that way.

My husband comes home from work or church, being around peoples... and though he makes minimal physical contact with them in consideration of my sensitivities to all the lovely scents that stick like wet glue; he ends up smelling like whatever it is that was floating around the room... the little 'pig-pen' clouds of fumessence the human bee-hive lives within... All those magnificent perfumes & essential oils i once loved as a Bee loves spring blossoms.

So... in a round about way... since people literally make me sick.... and really aren't able to do much about all the modern conveniences they take for granted everyday....

i've migrated here.... to this Blogos-hive...

i hope you feel free to comment here... just say hello... i'll try to bee-have, i haven't stung anyone recently...that i know of. 

& Grace....i know i owe you a letter.... it's still buzzing around in my heart & mind.

Do people giggle at YOU when you tell them you Blog?

Bee well

*kare

But Wait ... There's More!

Since returning from our trip down the Rabbit hole my body has been in rebellion Big Time... the Gamut has run me over. (What's a gamut anyway? i  know, i know ... it's just me being Me-low-dramatic... don't you just love Words and language? ) i'm sittin here trying to remain seated at our old desk while having to get up and move around. My lower back muscles are in spaz mode so standing and walking feels better, takes my mind off the constant reminders. Yeeks!

Then there's poor Abby doo da looking confused at me..

"Are we gonna have a sit down & relax or are we gonna take Walkies? ? Schee 'cause either way i'm gonna be bringin' this ol chewie stogey thingy... Schee ." (in her best Bogart voice)

So.. Where was i ....were we??

 Somewhere up in Northern California.... Near the Oregon border... What the locals call The " State of Jefferson".

Yes, we were up there... getting fumigated... if memory serves me right.. Uh-huh. Is there a saying about timing? Getting it right or It getting the better of you ? Well anyway, our timing for this trip Stunk! It really Smelled! Truly... everything around us was just being hosed down and bug bombed and smoked out.... We found out the next morning the Apartment where my mother lives was being "treated" for insects. The X-terminator would be spraying the entire exterior of the building. We had tripped into Fumigation central from the Central Valley of California all the way up to the tippy top of the state, there was not a safe place for Iznaabugg to go. i felt like a bugg in a can of raid.  >:{  ... i did !

"But Wait...There's More"... not all was lost. The whole reason for this wild ride... this backwards flight of Mr. & Mrs. Bee; was to make connections.... & Connections we made. Just as the Bee goes in search of sweet flowers and when she finds them does a little Honey Bee jig of joy sharing her discovery with her Hive; we found that Sweet Nectar of Connectedness and did little dances of joy. We had fellowship, huggs and kisses, with Onyx who stayed a night with us in our motel, & we met her funny kitty Oreo...who is quite the character. There was a wonderful re-union dinner with my Sisters and our Nieces & Nephew who are awesome young adults now..So mature yet winsome and lighthearted... it was like stepping into the land of the Elven kings in The Lord of the Rings, so surreal and otherworldly to my mind...they are so stately & regal...yet mischievous, teasing & buzziness. This decrepit old heart found refreshment in the nectar of laughter, smiling faces, banter. Bittersweet indeed...knowing we would soon be flying back down south again...yet grateful and hopeful that these moments, this happy dance, might someday be repeated... perhaps the invitation to visit our honey bee haven might Bee of interest at some point in their Honey bee lives?

             

 There are some Lovely flowers here in the desert... Did you know?



What a Buzz !

B.B & i are recuperating this week from our Bumble Bee flight to far Northern California to see Onyx-Rose, my Mother.

   It was quite a buzz- literally... my head is still buzzing from the whole experience and i'm trying to put it all into perspective. It went by Way too fast in 'real-time' and in my mind, my heart can't seem to flesh it all out..not yet anyway.
  Most California freeways are set to a 70 mph frenzy that we have not participated in for years so this in itself was mind bending. Leaving in the early a.m. was good since it made the scorching desert miles between us and the main freeway less hazardous despite the insanely paced traffic, But the darkness made it a bit like a trip down the Rabbit hole for me. Vertigo plagues me at the most inopportune times... it's better  to leave the "Dark-thirty" driving to Bill. i do my best to relax & try to enjoy the 'E-ticket' ride til the sun comes up and helps me focus further up the road.

     Anybody out there remember 'E-ticket' rides? i'm showing my age; Aye? Glad to be aging though,  i tell ya.... there've been times i wasn't so sure i'd be doing this. Though this "E.I."  may not be fatal... there are times it seems it will be. This trip up north  and the toxic minefield we encountered was one of those times and an example of why we came to this desert island and are planning to move further out away from the Human Beehive... we just aren't far enough, though it is much better here than any place we've been so far.

   Those who know the road from Needles to the I-5 freeway understand the Tehachapi's mountain pass is a big hurtle before reaching the flat valley stretches... we made it over in record time... Yippee!! or so we thought...the descent into the Valley below soon made it clear to us that i was not going to have the most enjoyable encounter... because the air down there was NOT clear... it was So hazy and acrid i could taste it on my tongue. My eyes, nose and lungs began to burn like a fire had scorched the air around us; it was so bad even B.B. complained! If you've ever had a breeze change direction at a camp fire you know how that smoke can burn ??.... Uh-Huh...  that's how it felt for me driving into that toxic smog bank. If i hadn't had the urgent need to see Onyx and the rest of my family we would have turned around right then, but we had already stretched time out too long between visits, there was no going back.

As the old saying goes... it was all downhill from there... even our hope that there would be clean air up north was erased.

     i follow fire reports for the North California forests because My family lives in The Siskiyou National forest area and i am always aware of the conditions. i used to work for the U.S.F.S.  where i learned a little bit about weather and it's effects on the forest eco-system.... i also  track fire activity and keep family and former co-workers in my prayers when fires occur. Well, there had been lightening strikes all along the Northern forest with fires still smoldering when we arrived, so there we were.

Whats that??  "Out of the frying pan... into the ....?" ... Yup... & breathing it!

   One of my sisters commented how there had been none of the normal breezes to clear the air... and people in the area were having trouble with allergies & such. The break we had desired was denied.  

 

We checked into a Motel close to family as all of them had upheavals within their homes... one sister was having major re-modeling to her kitchen, the others Husband had just had knee surgery and my mothers apartment would not allow Abby because she's too big and scary . So here's a shameless and unsolicited plug for Motel 6 who welcomed our big girl without even flinching and also did not clean the room with smelly chemicals while we were there... they just vacuumed, changed the linens and gave us fresh towels. What sweet hearts! We brought Abby specifically for Onyx as she is a dog lover above all and this trip was for her as much as us... we joke back and forth about her looking forward to seeing Abby more than B.B. and i... it may be true ;) So anyway we were very Thankful to Motel 6 for making our time on the road so much easier. (and No i am not being compensated in any way, shape or form, they were just very good to us!)

   As we were settling in our room my Sister & Mom drove up having themselves been on the road from a trip to the Dr.s ...A sight for sore eyes. Many kisses and hugs and nonestop talking then my sister left Mom with us at the Motel and we shared some time. She & Abby bonded as only a Grandma and "child" can and we were all happy. 

 

The next hurtle for me was at Mom's apartment... the building was highly scented with all those things people use in public places...scented air "fresheners", cleaning products, bengay and old spice, all those lovely things people can't live without and i can't live with. Mom's personal apartment had been cleaned beautifully spiffy and of course there were fragrances of her own special choice permeating her environment. i did my best to cope and not breath too deeply... not easy. {*-*}

   Well, i need to take a breather so i'll have to get back to the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say, on the next post... or as my Sweetie B. always says "But wait, there's more!"

   Till then ...  Bee Well and Bee Swell... Blessings from above.

*kare